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High masking self v Authentic autistic self

Lemon slice

Does anyone else who's high masking feel like there's such a massive gap between the external presentation of self to others and the internal self. Even with those closest to me. 

It feels like the bigger that gap has been, the harder the crash during burnout. It feels like there's further to go for me to get my true authentic autistic self. 

I was self diagnosed for 9 months before got official diagnosis. I went for this mainly because I was so good at masking (which I'd just found out about) that I didn't think anyone would believe me that I'm autistic!

I suppose I'm now in the period of shortening that gap!

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  • Hi Lemon, slice and welcome.

    I think the most helpful thing to say is that removing some of that masking will take time, so it needs to be done step by step. You can’t do it all in one day. You’re still your authentic self, but the challenge is letting others see your true self. You can certainly do that here.



  • in reply to lostmyway

    My problem though is that most people don’t like the unmasked me. My wife does and perhaps two friends but thats it. 

  • in reply to Alice-nice-Alice

    Well, I guess unmasking isn’t really about winning people over. If they can’t handle the real you, maybe you’re better off without them. The people closest to you are the ones who appreciate the “real” you.This reminds me of the old saying: "True friends are the ones who stick around when you stop being useful."

  • in reply to lostmyway

    Very true. I don’t need huge amounts of validation but even so left to my own devices my world would continue collapsing to a dot, a black hole of a person. But Im trying hard with the help of my wife to stop the shrinking and to get out more, engage more and recover the bravery I once had. Yesterday we spent several hours continuing clearing my old house as the sold stc has exchange of contracts in irs sites now. Afterwards we drove  to a coffee house we like for tea which was lovely. Thanks again. AnA

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  • in reply to lostmyway

    Very true. I don’t need huge amounts of validation but even so left to my own devices my world would continue collapsing to a dot, a black hole of a person. But Im trying hard with the help of my wife to stop the shrinking and to get out more, engage more and recover the bravery I once had. Yesterday we spent several hours continuing clearing my old house as the sold stc has exchange of contracts in irs sites now. Afterwards we drove  to a coffee house we like for tea which was lovely. Thanks again. AnA

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