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The need for perfection

DanielleH

Hi All, 

brand new to this so not sure if I'm using correctly! I'm 31 and was diagnosed last year with both autism and ADHD, also in the process of getting a dyspraxia diagnosis.

I don't know if this is an autism, ADHD, maybe OCD or just a me thing BUT I am such a control freak when it comes to the house. I feel like everything has to be in its correct place all the time. I cant relax if the the tea towel is hung incorrectly, shoes haven't been put away, the sofa cushions aren't fluffed up, blankets are folded correctly etc. I have this constant urge to have the house looking like a show home which is silly because that's so unrealistic!  My husband is not a messy person and always helps with tidying up but when he doesn't do it the way I want it, I become irritable and angry.

Has anyone got any tips to help me let go and relax a bit? Or could suggest a certain therapy they think would be good? I just want to be able to relax and be more chilled out. 

Thank you :)

Parents

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    I'm also a bit of a control freak, but my partner is too, so we keep our home very tidy and clutter free. One person commented that it looked like nobody lived there! But it's important for us to keep our environment simple and streamlined. Autistic people are very visual, so how things look is more important to us than most - it's not a fault, just how we are.

    There are things you could try to make life a bit easier, for example having shoe and coat storage in the entrance so that those things get put away immediately someone gets home. If there are housework jobs you like done a certain way, perhaps you could do those and your husband could do jobs that don't matter so much such as taking out the rubbish, doing shopping, or doing the household admin/accounts. If he can cook, that could be his job and then you could do the clearing up afterwards. He could help you with changing bed linen, then he could put the laundry on while you do the fluffing up of pillows, etc.

    I find that getting engrossed in a hobby helps distract and relax me - I enjoy reading and playing video games, but there are lots of others to try such as jigsaw puzzles, Lego building, drawing & colouring, sewing, knitting, etc. If you're getting very wound up, sometimes a walk in a quiet area can help.

Reply

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    I'm also a bit of a control freak, but my partner is too, so we keep our home very tidy and clutter free. One person commented that it looked like nobody lived there! But it's important for us to keep our environment simple and streamlined. Autistic people are very visual, so how things look is more important to us than most - it's not a fault, just how we are.

    There are things you could try to make life a bit easier, for example having shoe and coat storage in the entrance so that those things get put away immediately someone gets home. If there are housework jobs you like done a certain way, perhaps you could do those and your husband could do jobs that don't matter so much such as taking out the rubbish, doing shopping, or doing the household admin/accounts. If he can cook, that could be his job and then you could do the clearing up afterwards. He could help you with changing bed linen, then he could put the laundry on while you do the fluffing up of pillows, etc.

    I find that getting engrossed in a hobby helps distract and relax me - I enjoy reading and playing video games, but there are lots of others to try such as jigsaw puzzles, Lego building, drawing & colouring, sewing, knitting, etc. If you're getting very wound up, sometimes a walk in a quiet area can help.

Children
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