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The need for perfection

DanielleH

Hi All, 

brand new to this so not sure if I'm using correctly! I'm 31 and was diagnosed last year with both autism and ADHD, also in the process of getting a dyspraxia diagnosis.

I don't know if this is an autism, ADHD, maybe OCD or just a me thing BUT I am such a control freak when it comes to the house. I feel like everything has to be in its correct place all the time. I cant relax if the the tea towel is hung incorrectly, shoes haven't been put away, the sofa cushions aren't fluffed up, blankets are folded correctly etc. I have this constant urge to have the house looking like a show home which is silly because that's so unrealistic!  My husband is not a messy person and always helps with tidying up but when he doesn't do it the way I want it, I become irritable and angry.

Has anyone got any tips to help me let go and relax a bit? Or could suggest a certain therapy they think would be good? I just want to be able to relax and be more chilled out. 

Thank you :)

Parents

  • Hello, seems to me you've done the hard part - recognising and talking about it, which means you've accepted it and are not in denial.

    I am not sure what's best, but it might be to consider what is important and drop the least important one. Then see if after a few days it's ok. You may find it is more habit or routine, and after a few days it seems less important as you break the habit and get used to not always seeing things a certain way.

    You might be able to try leaving something for a while, then slowly making the time longer. You may get used to it not being so critical. 

    You could consider if there is something driving it. Are you looking for order at home because you can't control it order something else. Are you feeling particularly up tight, could you do something to relax and just let go for a day or two?

Reply

  • Hello, seems to me you've done the hard part - recognising and talking about it, which means you've accepted it and are not in denial.

    I am not sure what's best, but it might be to consider what is important and drop the least important one. Then see if after a few days it's ok. You may find it is more habit or routine, and after a few days it seems less important as you break the habit and get used to not always seeing things a certain way.

    You might be able to try leaving something for a while, then slowly making the time longer. You may get used to it not being so critical. 

    You could consider if there is something driving it. Are you looking for order at home because you can't control it order something else. Are you feeling particularly up tight, could you do something to relax and just let go for a day or two?

Children
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