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Disciplinary at work

Bakedbean28

Hello everyone,

I am currently on a suspension from work due to what I believe as been an austic outburst and poor communication. I have not been formally diagnosed but I have made a self referral and will be speaking to occupational health in the coming weeks 

I am really unsure what has happened, why I am on a misconduct charge and why I am struggling to regulate myself. The facts as I understand them:

 A member of my team who I was supposed to be working with was fired, despite me being informed in the morning that I would be working on a project with her

I entered the afternoon meeting frustrated and confused, visibly shaken/ing and was described after the fact as 'disrespectful and aggressive'

I then took the evening to decompress and it took me a full evening to feel emotionally stable

 Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated . I don't consider myself an angry person but I felt incredibly strong about how that person had been treated, as they had been invited into to do work then told they no longer work here. I have also throughout my life struggled with recognising emotional patterns and prefer direct contact that can often come across to others as blunt and rude when I am just trying to be honest 

Any support or advice would be appreciated. I am now incredibly concerned for my career over something I genuinely feel was outside of my control to manage and have not really had any one come to me and ask why I felt this way in a way that wasn't part of an investigation 

Thank you

Parents

  • Hey, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. What happened sounds incredibly stressful and unfair, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling shaken and worried about your career.

    The sudden firing of your colleague - especially after you’d been told you’d be working together - would throw anyone off, but for autistic people it can be extra destabilising. Sudden change + perceived injustice is a classic trigger for emotional dysregulation. The fact that you needed a full evening to decompress is very common; that’s not “overreacting,” that’s your nervous system doing what it needs to do.

    A lot of us (diagnosed or not) have had that experience where our honest, direct communication gets labelled “aggressive” or “disrespectful” because we’re focused on the facts and fairness rather than softening our tone. It doesn’t make you an angry person - it makes you someone who values honesty and justice, and who doesn’t always have the social filter others expect.

    Some practical things that might help in the coming weeks:

    • When you speak to Occupational Health, try to frame it as: “I believe I may be autistic and I’m awaiting assessment. Sudden changes and perceived unfairness are big triggers for me, and I struggle with emotional regulation in those moments. I’m working on strategies and would value any reasonable adjustments.”
    • Keep a calm, factual timeline of events (what you were told in the morning, what happened in the meeting, how you felt, what you did to regulate afterwards). Having it written down can help if you need to refer back to it.
    • If you have a union rep or HR contact, consider looping them in and mentioning you have a self-referral for autism assessment underway. This creates a paper trail showing you’re being proactive.

    You’re not alone in this. Many of us have had similar “outbursts” that were actually just our brains hitting overload in a neurotypical workplace that doesn’t accommodate us. The fact that you’re already self-referring and reflecting on it shows a lot of self-awareness and responsibility.

    Sending you strength for the Occupational Health meeting and the investigation process. You’ve got this - and there are people here who get it.

  • in reply to lostmyway

    Thank you very much, I really needed to hear this. 

    I don't understand why I am being made out to be a huge trouble maker and a horrible person when I honestly felt I was trying to right a wrong that I witnessed 

  • in reply to Bakedbean28

    It hurts, doesn't it? Feeling like you're the villain when all you did was speak up for fairness - like your heart couldn't stay quiet. That's not trouble-making. That's integrity.

    The thing is that workplaces love "calm" and "professional" - which often means swallowing injustice, so no one gets ruffled. When you didn't, they flipped it: "aggressive" instead of "passionate," "disrespectful" instead of "honest." It's not about you being horrible - it's about them not knowing how to handle raw emotion.

    You're not a troublemaker. You're just human. And autistic. And brave.

    Hold onto that. When you talk to OH, say exactly what you just said: "I felt I was righting a wrong—sudden change, injustice - it overwhelmed me." They might actually listen.

    You're not horrible. You're real. And I'm proud of you.

    Good luck. Thumbsup

  • in reply to DormouseAtRest_25

    I have gone through to Acas and citizens advice and had some documents printed out, but even the advice they give is too make a timeline of events as they happen and ensure that should this not go the way I want, get onto them as fast as possible 

  • in reply to Bakedbean28

    I think it might be helpful to read the ACAS definition / guidance around "gross misconduct":

    https://www.acas.org.uk/dismissals/types-of-dismissal

    and the ACAS Code Of Practice On Disciplinary And Grievance Procedures:

    https://www.acas.org.uk/acas-code-of-practice-on-disciplinary-and-grievance-procedures

    also, if there is a suspension during an investigation ACAS say the employer should have given you a letter explaining the suspension, why, the seriousness reason and what happens next:

    https://www.acas.org.uk/suspension-during-an-investigation-at-work-letter-template

    ACAS reminds everyone that if an employer decides to suspend someone during an investigation "Suspension does not mean an employee has done anything wrong, and should not be used to discipline someone.":

    https://www.acas.org.uk/suspension-during-an-investigation

    ACAS also highlights to an employer that they should consider the potential effect upon a suspended person's mental health "As an employer, you have a legal 'duty of care' to support the person during suspension and look out for their wellbeing.":

    https://www.acas.org.uk/suspension-during-an-investigation/supporting-an-employees-mental-health

    With this consideration and your wellbeing uppermost in thought, if you find yourself struggling during suspension and you do not find you have access to Occupational Health / Union - you might be sensible to have a conversation with your GP (reminding them about your Autism self-referral) to find out if there are other mental health support services in your local area in the meantime.

    You also mentioned you had worked for 4 weeks since the last incident and it was only after you asked colleagues for support that the suspension situation became known to you.  That timeline and change in situation would be something to mention to Citizens Advice / Union so that someone knowledgeable can help you check if correct procedures have been adhered to both before and after you asked colleagues for help.

    The other source of support I wondered about - a Disability Employment Advisor (DEA) at Jobcentre Plus (provides specialised support to help people with disabilities, or health conditions find, retain, or return to work).  My understanding is their remit can include:

    • Support & Advice: Offering advice on managing a disability at work and building confidence.
    • Access to Programs: Providing information on specialist training courses and employment programmes.
    • In-work Support: Helping you secure workplace accommodations and adjustments.
  • in reply to lostmyway

    I would go with union first. Legal costs can be very high from my own experience

  • in reply to Bakedbean28

    I hear you. This feels like a pile-on-gross misconduct label without real proof, just scraps of statements, no mediation, no plan. And after four weeks of working like normal? Suspension for asking for help? That doesn't add up.

    It sounds like they're building a case quietly, maybe to push you out without admitting it. The "evidence" is thin - your minutes, one witness, another old incident? That's not misconduct; that's them cherry-picking moments where your directness got spun as "aggressive."

    You're not obtuse - you're seeing the pattern. Admitting fault doesn't mean you deserve this. And yes, the lack of listening? That's gaslighting territory.

    My take: document everything. Keep emails, notes from chats, even your own timeline. When OH comes, say: "I self-referred for autism assessment - sudden changes, injustice, direct communication are triggers. I worked fine for weeks after. Why suspension now?"

    If they want you gone, they'll make it hard - but procedure is on your side if you push for fairness. Union? Solicitor? Worth checking.

  • in reply to lostmyway

    I also feel as though this has been blown way out proportion and that is triggering me as well. They're trying to say it's gross misconduct but I still have not seen any evidence of this, no investigation report, no formal complaints, the only thing I've received are my minutes for the investigation report, a single witness statement and a statement from another event where I was also direct and assertive and failed to communicate well

    It's all a big misunderstanding but no one seems to be listening. I asked for mediation and was ignored, I asked for a performance plan

    I appreciate this is likely to do with procedure, but I was working for 4 weeks following both of these incidents but now am on suspension for asking for support from colleagues and workmates about what to do and how I should be feeling.

    It's really very strange and the way the business has reacted as not made any sense to me . I'm.not trying to sound obstuse, I admit wrong, but it feels like they're trying to force me out 

Reply
  • in reply to lostmyway

    I also feel as though this has been blown way out proportion and that is triggering me as well. They're trying to say it's gross misconduct but I still have not seen any evidence of this, no investigation report, no formal complaints, the only thing I've received are my minutes for the investigation report, a single witness statement and a statement from another event where I was also direct and assertive and failed to communicate well

    It's all a big misunderstanding but no one seems to be listening. I asked for mediation and was ignored, I asked for a performance plan

    I appreciate this is likely to do with procedure, but I was working for 4 weeks following both of these incidents but now am on suspension for asking for support from colleagues and workmates about what to do and how I should be feeling.

    It's really very strange and the way the business has reacted as not made any sense to me . I'm.not trying to sound obstuse, I admit wrong, but it feels like they're trying to force me out 

Children
  • in reply to DormouseAtRest_25

    I have gone through to Acas and citizens advice and had some documents printed out, but even the advice they give is too make a timeline of events as they happen and ensure that should this not go the way I want, get onto them as fast as possible 

  • in reply to Bakedbean28

    I think it might be helpful to read the ACAS definition / guidance around "gross misconduct":

    https://www.acas.org.uk/dismissals/types-of-dismissal

    and the ACAS Code Of Practice On Disciplinary And Grievance Procedures:

    https://www.acas.org.uk/acas-code-of-practice-on-disciplinary-and-grievance-procedures

    also, if there is a suspension during an investigation ACAS say the employer should have given you a letter explaining the suspension, why, the seriousness reason and what happens next:

    https://www.acas.org.uk/suspension-during-an-investigation-at-work-letter-template

    ACAS reminds everyone that if an employer decides to suspend someone during an investigation "Suspension does not mean an employee has done anything wrong, and should not be used to discipline someone.":

    https://www.acas.org.uk/suspension-during-an-investigation

    ACAS also highlights to an employer that they should consider the potential effect upon a suspended person's mental health "As an employer, you have a legal 'duty of care' to support the person during suspension and look out for their wellbeing.":

    https://www.acas.org.uk/suspension-during-an-investigation/supporting-an-employees-mental-health

    With this consideration and your wellbeing uppermost in thought, if you find yourself struggling during suspension and you do not find you have access to Occupational Health / Union - you might be sensible to have a conversation with your GP (reminding them about your Autism self-referral) to find out if there are other mental health support services in your local area in the meantime.

    You also mentioned you had worked for 4 weeks since the last incident and it was only after you asked colleagues for support that the suspension situation became known to you.  That timeline and change in situation would be something to mention to Citizens Advice / Union so that someone knowledgeable can help you check if correct procedures have been adhered to both before and after you asked colleagues for help.

    The other source of support I wondered about - a Disability Employment Advisor (DEA) at Jobcentre Plus (provides specialised support to help people with disabilities, or health conditions find, retain, or return to work).  My understanding is their remit can include:

    • Support & Advice: Offering advice on managing a disability at work and building confidence.
    • Access to Programs: Providing information on specialist training courses and employment programmes.
    • In-work Support: Helping you secure workplace accommodations and adjustments.
  • in reply to lostmyway

    I would go with union first. Legal costs can be very high from my own experience

  • in reply to Bakedbean28

    I hear you. This feels like a pile-on-gross misconduct label without real proof, just scraps of statements, no mediation, no plan. And after four weeks of working like normal? Suspension for asking for help? That doesn't add up.

    It sounds like they're building a case quietly, maybe to push you out without admitting it. The "evidence" is thin - your minutes, one witness, another old incident? That's not misconduct; that's them cherry-picking moments where your directness got spun as "aggressive."

    You're not obtuse - you're seeing the pattern. Admitting fault doesn't mean you deserve this. And yes, the lack of listening? That's gaslighting territory.

    My take: document everything. Keep emails, notes from chats, even your own timeline. When OH comes, say: "I self-referred for autism assessment - sudden changes, injustice, direct communication are triggers. I worked fine for weeks after. Why suspension now?"

    If they want you gone, they'll make it hard - but procedure is on your side if you push for fairness. Union? Solicitor? Worth checking.