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The Naming Ceremony: Is Diagnosis a Modern Shamanic Ritual?

Phased
While the clinical world is often obsessed with "disorders," most of us know that’s a fundamentally broken way to describe our experience. Lately, I’ve been thinking that for many in the neurodivergent community, getting that formal recognition—or finding your own path to self-understanding—feels less like a medical report and more like a naming ceremony.
I have to give a huge nod to TheCatWoman for this spark. In a recent chat, she used the brilliant analogy: trying to run a neurodivergent brain on neurotypical psychology is like trying to run Windows on an Apple. It got me thinking—if the "operating systems" are that different, then the people who originally built these theories weren't really scientists in the modern sense. They were more like 20th-century shamans trying to map a spirit world they didn't fully understand.
In ancient cultures, a naming ritual was a way to reintegrate someone whose "spirit" seemed at odds with the world. Once named, the "problem" became a "trait," and the person could finally take their rightful place in the tribe. Whether that name comes from a formal assessment or through the "vision quest" of self-diagnosis, it’s a powerful moment of literal recognition. It's like finally identifying with your own spirit animal—finding the creature that actually matches your tracks, rather than trying to pretend you’re a wolf when you’re actually a horse.
I also noticed NAS recently asking the community to share their own tips for securing reasonable adjustments. I suspect they may have been pivoting from my earlier post about being fed up with the lack of them! In this shamanic framework, when a group asks the tribe for their "how-to" guides, they are gathering the communal wisdom needed to help us become the Architects of our own Sacred Space.
These adjustments—whether it's noise-cancelling, flexible hours, or literal task lists—are the protective boundaries that stop our "Apple" OS from overheating in a "Windows" world and the horses getting predated by the wolves.
For those of you who have found your "Name"—whether through a clinician or your own research—did it feel like a clinical label, or did it feel like a ceremony that finally brought your soul home?
Parents

  • The sense of belonging is one of the basic human needs. Big world failed to give me this sense, this forum is the first place that gave me this. It's crucial for my wellbeing and therapeutic although only online. Sometimes I feel guilty for kind of claiming tge label, that was not given to me by a medical professional, and there is the doubt. But for me it's not about identity, it's about belonging. I belong here through my experience shared with other members of this group. I can't say if it's medical or ceremonial for me. Maybe both in some ways or none of them. I'm aware of myself being currently not so strongly affected by these autistic symptoms, there are people out there who are currently struggling much more than me now, or even more than me in the past. I'm almost sure that if I was a kid or teenager right now, I would get diagnosed and hopefully supported. Maybe I could avoid the horrible trauma that I went through. I'm in the lost generation. I have very faint chances of getting ever tested. In my area all diagnostic centers are fully booked. Additionally I can see the anger that there are too many people getting this diagnosis. I don't want drama, I need peace. There might be some false positive,  but I think that all this mess exists because the condition is being researched,  explored, more recognised, plus there are people from the "lost generation" who got recognised or recognised themselves late in life. Like myself. And the problem is that the system is totally not prepared for that. It's hard to say,  whose fault it might be. Sometimes I feel guilty for that although it's illogical because I'm just one person with one life experience and I have very little or no influence on what's going on.

    Finding tge name for my struggles is important,  but for me the most Important thing is finding names for the separate symptoms and understanding myself better. Even if I was diagnosed,  I would still not explain to other people,  that im autistic. Because of the general ignorance around tge topic that explanation wouldn't help me much. Instead I found my own ways. For example- I have slower processing, could you please repeat? Or I told my manager- I don't hate people,  I'm not sad or angry, I just can't take part in social chat, because it's too fast too much and too chaotic. This helped me a lot, because then it's clear for my colleagues why I talk so little and only in a one-one setting. This made my manager look at my direction too when they all sit and chat. This way he shows me that I'm also Included. 

    Earlier I had no words for my symptoms,  traits and weirdness. I struggle to recognise what I'm feeling, so whenever I heard from others "why you are so moody?" I felt somehow frustrated and angry at myself. I aldo recognised that after many years. So this is how "self realisation" and therapy,  even without formal diagnosis MAY help in everyday life.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth
    I really get what you said about the lost generation. That feeling of guilt or doubt about claiming the label without a formal diagnosis is so common, but you hit the nail on the head: it is about belonging and understanding your experience, not just a medical certificate.
    What you are doing with your manager is brilliant. By saying "my brain handles a higher volume of detail" or "it is too fast and chaotic," you are doing exactly what we have been discussing here—you are building a bridge. You aren't asking them to understand a medical textbook; you are giving them the practical tools to meet you halfway.
    In any kind of recovery, we are usually inclined to start with small wins just to get moving. Sometimes I struggle to be clear myself, but I want to make sure I'm clear here: what you have achieved with your manager is a big win. Explaining that your brain is simply processing a deeper level of information is often more life-changing than the diagnosis itself because it gives you a functional map for your own mountain climb. Excellent—a big "Yes!" of congratulation for you finding that sense of belonging and the words to describe your world.
    As I was just mentioning to ArchaeC in our thread, as a neuro-physio, I see this kind of shift as a form of social rehab. By using that specific language, you are literally firing new neural circuits that make your environment safer and more regulated. It’s a different kind of tired than the shame of masking because you are building a brain that actually feels seen.
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  • in reply to Alien0n3arth
    I really get what you said about the lost generation. That feeling of guilt or doubt about claiming the label without a formal diagnosis is so common, but you hit the nail on the head: it is about belonging and understanding your experience, not just a medical certificate.
    What you are doing with your manager is brilliant. By saying "my brain handles a higher volume of detail" or "it is too fast and chaotic," you are doing exactly what we have been discussing here—you are building a bridge. You aren't asking them to understand a medical textbook; you are giving them the practical tools to meet you halfway.
    In any kind of recovery, we are usually inclined to start with small wins just to get moving. Sometimes I struggle to be clear myself, but I want to make sure I'm clear here: what you have achieved with your manager is a big win. Explaining that your brain is simply processing a deeper level of information is often more life-changing than the diagnosis itself because it gives you a functional map for your own mountain climb. Excellent—a big "Yes!" of congratulation for you finding that sense of belonging and the words to describe your world.
    As I was just mentioning to ArchaeC in our thread, as a neuro-physio, I see this kind of shift as a form of social rehab. By using that specific language, you are literally firing new neural circuits that make your environment safer and more regulated. It’s a different kind of tired than the shame of masking because you are building a brain that actually feels seen.
Children
  • in reply to Phased

    just re-read the above and so another quick ps (without my usual "polish it up before posting effort") - I realised they put on a brave cheerful mask for me too - the biggest bit that made me sad was they and I know and love one another enough to when we said goodbye we privately dropped the mask and we both shared honest expression of pain and sadness... Good job there's birch trees in the wind.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth
    I wanted to share a little follow-up on that idea of "Maintenance in Progress." While I mentioned it can feel like a "day" of being stuck, I’m finding that as the practice develops, the timeframe starts to match the weight of what we’re carrying.
    In the past, a big "system jam" might have lasted me weeks. But I’m learning that even a few minutes of conscious pausing can work wonders. I had a stressful visit earlier today for Mother’s Day with someone very dear to me who has dementia. I found myself putting on that "brave, cheerful mask" for them, but as soon as I left, I knew my system was at capacity.
    I told my wife I needed to pause before driving away. I just sat for a few minutes and watched the thin branches of a birch tree flowing in the wind. I mentioned to her how much they reminded me of a Monet painting. Just those few minutes of meditating on that bit of beauty allowed my "gears" to reset. I was able to drive away feeling like myself again.
    I think for the big life-shifts, the architecture still needs a longer "rest" to settle. But for the daily stresses, those few seconds or minutes of claiming our Sacred Space can be enough to clear the queue. It’s like we’re training ourselves to have both ways of thinking available at once—acknowledging the "jam" while simultaneously looking for the "reset." It takes practice, but the timeframe really does start to shift as we get better at reading our own signals.
  • in reply to Alien0n3arth
    I’ve been reflecting on your last post—that description of the traffic jam when someone asks about your mum is so vivid. It sounds incredibly draining when the background noise starts to drown out the conversation and your gears have to work at full speed just to catch up.
    When you say you’re feeling stuck or slow right now, I wonder if we can use our Naming Ceremony lens to re-name that feeling together?
    In my own thinking, I’ve found it helpful to remember that an Apple OS runs differently than Windows. It’s not that the Apple is slower—I see it as a high-performance system—but it can overheat when it’s forced to translate Windows code all day. I suspect many of us have spent a long time trying to think in that Windows code rather than acknowledging our own Apple.
    As I mentioned to ArchaeC, I like to think of us as the Architects of our own Sacred Space. You’ve already done brilliant work defining that space at work—but for those of us in the Lost Generation, I know it can be a big shift to start claiming that same peace in our personal lives, too.
    You mentioned that fast mode has led to the hospital in the past. To me, that speaks to just how tough things have been, and why protecting your energy now feels so vital. From where I’m standing, the jam you're describing looks like your brain pulling the emergency brake because the translation is getting too heavy. I see it as a win to stop before the system overheats.
    Instead of "I am stuck," I’ve started using a different name for those days: Sacred Space Maintenance in Progress.
    I don't think you're doing anything wrong by being slow or needing to repeat questions. To me, you're just letting the queue clear at the only pace that’s sustainable for a Horse. I really saw the depth and beauty in how you visualised your Traffic Jam—I don't think most people see their own inner workings with that level of clarity.
    I truly believe that once the Architect finishes these structural repairs and you start running your own native code, this same brain is capable of processing depth and beauty that others simply miss. I don't see it as fixing a slow system, but as stabilising a high-performance engine.
    If today’s speed is zero, I see that as you being a good Architect and guarding your boundaries. Excellent work on listening to those gears—I'm learning myself that the bridge only holds if we build it at our own pace.
  • in reply to Phased

    For me it's not exactly like this- it's about information processing. I can process only o e thing at a time. When I'm stressed, it gets slower. Additionally the background noise i terferes with the conversation,  so I can't hear properly what they are talking about or only catching some pieces of sentences because there is some machine working in the background. 

    When I'm tired, better don't talk to me at all. Simple question "how is your mom?" Makes a jam in my head, first the other person has to repeat the question,  so I register that they are talking to me, then I have to catch up with what they are asking and then it's echolalia- I repeat the question. And then my visualised gears work on a full speed to recall, when I talked to my mom, what we talked about and how is she generally. People say it's funny how slow I am and how I repeat the question. I don't find it funny but hmm what i can say. It used to frustrate me a lot, but now I kinda made peace with myself and stopped being so harsh on myself for this slower processing. I just can't faster. Or if I'm forced to do faster for extended period, I may end up in a pscyh hospital,  as it already happened in the past.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth
    This is such a powerful visualization! You’ve captured the "traffic jam" perfectly. Seeing those cars (A, B, C, D) queued up behind the hourglass really highlights that your brain is handling a high volume of detail—it’s not a lack of speed; it’s just a lot of data!
    I especially love your "Instead" list at the bottom. By using phrases like "I need more time" or "It’s too much for me," you are doing exactly what we have been discussing—you are building a bridge. You are replacing that big, confusing "Autism?" question mark with practical tools that let people meet you halfway.
    The way you’ve drawn the "BLABLA" circle shows exactly why the internal switchboard can feel so overwhelmed. It’s a lot of noise to filter! But as you use those "Instead" phrases to protect your energy and lower that internal tension, you are helping those "cars" move through the hourglass much more smoothly.
    Excellent work on this—it’s a beautiful map of your own new construction!
  • in reply to DormouseAtRest_25
    I love that you’ve taken the "traffic jam" idea and turned it into a tool for self-kindness. It is so true that we are often our own harshest critics when our processing doesn't match the speed of the world around us.
    Using that phrase for your "self-talk" is a brilliant bit of personal bridge-building. In my own experience, when I get frustrated with a delay, my stress levels spike, which usually just makes the jam worse. But by being patient and saying, "We are all going to get there," you are sending a signal of safety to your own system.
    That shift into a kindly internal voice helps lower the "fight-or-flight" tension that caused the jam in the first place. You’re essentially giving your brain the green light to clear the queue at its own natural pace. It’s a great way to move from the "Monkey Mind" of self-criticism to the "Horse Mind" of structural patience!
  • in reply to Phased

    Just a picture how I visualise it

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth
    Alien0n3arth said:
    traffic jam in my head

    What an excellent expression - I will try to remember that phrase. 

    I think it would be a useful way to encourage my more kindly "self-talk".

    We can sometimes be more kindly spoken to others than we remember to be to ourselves.

    Note to self: "Be patient; it is a traffic jam in my head, we are all going to get there: as it naturally resolves".

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth
    One last thing I’ve been diving into lately is how long this "new construction" actually takes. Since you mentioned being in self-healing mode, it’s helpful to know the biological timeline so you don't feel discouraged if it feels like a slow climb.
    From what I’ve gathered through my special interest in the nervous system, it usually takes about 8 weeks of consistent "safe" experiences for the brain to start physically settling that internal alarm system. By around 6 months, the resting levels of stress hormones in the body often start to recalibrate—this is when that "traffic jam" starts to feel less like a permanent state and more like an occasional glitch.
    By about a year, the new, relaxed pathways we’re building become "myelinated"—essentially, the brain puts high-speed insulation on them so they become your new default path of least resistance.
    I've found it really helps to look for the tiny shifts in resting arousal rather than waiting for a total overhaul. Even those reasonable adjustments you've made at work are like the first bricks in a year-long project. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, but the biology is definitely on your side!
  • in reply to Alien0n3arth
    It is so interesting that you mentioned being in "self-healing mode." I’ve actually made a bit of a special interest out of how our nervous systems handle stress, and there is a really cool connection there to that "neurological hearing" you mentioned.
    One seed I’d love to plant is that when we are in a high-stress state (the fight-or-flight mode), our brains actually change how our ears filter sound. It starts listening for "threats" and can accidentally gate out human voices. It’s like the brain prioritizes survival over conversation.
    The self-healing you are doing to lower that stress is actually the key to opening those gates back up. As you lower that internal tension and feel safer in your environment, the "switchboard" in your brain gets more bandwidth to process the traffic jam. You might find that as you get more comfortable with your adjustments and feel less "on guard," your brain has an easier time letting those voices through, even when you are in a deep monotropic flow.
    You are already doing the work by finding solutions that work for you—that is the best kind of new construction for your brain!
  • in reply to Alien0n3arth
    I really get that "traffic jam" feeling in the head  —it's a perfect way to describe it. From a neuro-physio perspective, what you are describing with your hearing is a great example of how the brain's switchboard can get overwhelmed even when the ears themselves are working at 100%. It is often less about hearing the sound and more about the brain's ability to interpret the data.
    You are likely spot on about the stress, too. When the system is under high pressure, the brain has a process called sensory gating. Think of it as a filter that decides what information is important enough to let through. When the stress gets too high, the brain can actually start to close those gates to protect itself from further overload. This can lead to that "gating out" of sounds or even those dizzy spells when the internal queue just gets too long.
    The fact that your manager values your attention to detail is excellent. That same high-volume processing that causes the traffic jam is exactly what allows you to spot the problems others miss. You have already found your own reasonable adjustments, and that is a major part of the social rehab we have been talking about. You are leaning into your strengths while giving your brain the time it needs to clear the queue.
    If you ever want to look into the general evidence base for how these neurological filters work, I would be happy to point you toward some interesting literature on it!
  • in reply to Phased

    Your response touched me, thank you. I noticed that im usually on a self healing mode. Because I could never rely on the system or external help,  so I always worked myself alone. I know, that my issues with reactions to being called for example,  are related to neurological issue and not hearing loss, because I had recently a hearing test and the result is excellent hearing, 100%. The doctor himself suggested neurological issue. Then I had a blood test because of me feeling kind of dizzy without any clear reason. Also everything is fine, separately tested for diabetes- negative result. And here I also heard - neurology. 

    Access to doctors is very limited here where I'm living, so it's all complicated. I realised that I used to have some reasonable adjustments at work even before knowing about autism and suspecting it in myself. There was a need- so I found a solution. My manager has no problems with my reasonable adjustments,  I also heard that he is satisfied with my work, because of my attention to details.  Sometimes when I detect a problem, I have some sort of traffic jam in my head (too much information to queue,  to process) it happens that I report it to him with a delay. And he was still very much amazed that i noticed and remembered that detail.