The sense of belonging is one of the basic human needs. Big world failed to give me this sense, this forum is the first place that gave me this. It's crucial for my wellbeing and therapeutic although only online. Sometimes I feel guilty for kind of claiming tge label, that was not given to me by a medical professional, and there is the doubt. But for me it's not about identity, it's about belonging. I belong here through my experience shared with other members of this group. I can't say if it's medical or ceremonial for me. Maybe both in some ways or none of them. I'm aware of myself being currently not so strongly affected by these autistic symptoms, there are people out there who are currently struggling much more than me now, or even more than me in the past. I'm almost sure that if I was a kid or teenager right now, I would get diagnosed and hopefully supported. Maybe I could avoid the horrible trauma that I went through. I'm in the lost generation. I have very faint chances of getting ever tested. In my area all diagnostic centers are fully booked. Additionally I can see the anger that there are too many people getting this diagnosis. I don't want drama, I need peace. There might be some false positive, but I think that all this mess exists because the condition is being researched, explored, more recognised, plus there are people from the "lost generation" who got recognised or recognised themselves late in life. Like myself. And the problem is that the system is totally not prepared for that. It's hard to say, whose fault it might be. Sometimes I feel guilty for that although it's illogical because I'm just one person with one life experience and I have very little or no influence on what's going on.
Finding tge name for my struggles is important, but for me the most Important thing is finding names for the separate symptoms and understanding myself better. Even if I was diagnosed, I would still not explain to other people, that im autistic. Because of the general ignorance around tge topic that explanation wouldn't help me much. Instead I found my own ways. For example- I have slower processing, could you please repeat? Or I told my manager- I don't hate people, I'm not sad or angry, I just can't take part in social chat, because it's too fast too much and too chaotic. This helped me a lot, because then it's clear for my colleagues why I talk so little and only in a one-one setting. This made my manager look at my direction too when they all sit and chat. This way he shows me that I'm also Included.
Earlier I had no words for my symptoms, traits and weirdness. I struggle to recognise what I'm feeling, so whenever I heard from others "why you are so moody?" I felt somehow frustrated and angry at myself. I aldo recognised that after many years. So this is how "self realisation" and therapy, even without formal diagnosis MAY help in everyday life.
The sense of belonging is one of the basic human needs. Big world failed to give me this sense, this forum is the first place that gave me this. It's crucial for my wellbeing and therapeutic although only online. Sometimes I feel guilty for kind of claiming tge label, that was not given to me by a medical professional, and there is the doubt. But for me it's not about identity, it's about belonging. I belong here through my experience shared with other members of this group. I can't say if it's medical or ceremonial for me. Maybe both in some ways or none of them. I'm aware of myself being currently not so strongly affected by these autistic symptoms, there are people out there who are currently struggling much more than me now, or even more than me in the past. I'm almost sure that if I was a kid or teenager right now, I would get diagnosed and hopefully supported. Maybe I could avoid the horrible trauma that I went through. I'm in the lost generation. I have very faint chances of getting ever tested. In my area all diagnostic centers are fully booked. Additionally I can see the anger that there are too many people getting this diagnosis. I don't want drama, I need peace. There might be some false positive, but I think that all this mess exists because the condition is being researched, explored, more recognised, plus there are people from the "lost generation" who got recognised or recognised themselves late in life. Like myself. And the problem is that the system is totally not prepared for that. It's hard to say, whose fault it might be. Sometimes I feel guilty for that although it's illogical because I'm just one person with one life experience and I have very little or no influence on what's going on.
Finding tge name for my struggles is important, but for me the most Important thing is finding names for the separate symptoms and understanding myself better. Even if I was diagnosed, I would still not explain to other people, that im autistic. Because of the general ignorance around tge topic that explanation wouldn't help me much. Instead I found my own ways. For example- I have slower processing, could you please repeat? Or I told my manager- I don't hate people, I'm not sad or angry, I just can't take part in social chat, because it's too fast too much and too chaotic. This helped me a lot, because then it's clear for my colleagues why I talk so little and only in a one-one setting. This made my manager look at my direction too when they all sit and chat. This way he shows me that I'm also Included.
Earlier I had no words for my symptoms, traits and weirdness. I struggle to recognise what I'm feeling, so whenever I heard from others "why you are so moody?" I felt somehow frustrated and angry at myself. I aldo recognised that after many years. So this is how "self realisation" and therapy, even without formal diagnosis MAY help in everyday life.