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Is this bullying?

Tigertiim

Speaking to work colleagues outside of work, I revealed that I went out on a date, the usual questions were asked. What’s their name, what do they do jobwise etc.

When I mentioned the fact that future goals aligning with mine are important, everyone laughed at me…it made me feel humiliated and I didn’t understand why they found it so funny.

It was the first time I met this person so I didn’t kiss them or have sex with them and we didn’t touch at all. They all thought this was weird! I don’t understand why, we went to a cafe, we chatted and went for a look around a museum and went for a nice walk after.

They then called me a 12 year old….I’m almost 30…..

This seems like meangirl behaviour and bullying to me, or am I overthinking it? 

It has affected me if I’m honest as I had a mini meltdown this morning and didn’t want to get out of bed due to feeling depressed.

This is my 5th workplace in 2 years and the only one that chose to keep me on, I’ve always struggled fitting in and thought I could be myself with these people and they even invited me into their home to spend Christmas with them, but after this I’ll probably go back to masking myself again as I don’t feel like I can trust them anymore.

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  • Tigertiim said:

    They then called me a 12 year old….I’m almost 30…..

    This seems like meangirl behaviour and bullying to me, or am I overthinking it? 

    They are comparing your experience with what they were doing at 12 and think that your dating approach is laughable. They are criticising it based on social norms rather than bullying I think.

    My advice is not to disclose what you do in future on dates - do what is right for you and don't feel obliged to share or respond to questions about it - a simple "it's private" response should tell them to back off if they get pushy.

    Tigertiim said:
    I’ve always struggled fitting in and thought I could be myself with these people

    You may have dodged a bullet with this experience. Socialise but don't share much with them. Take an interest in their lives but don't talk much about yours even when pushed - just tell them you don't feel comfortable sharing because of past experiences of criticism and you hope they will respect your privacy.

    If they then push to ask about it then point out they are not respecting your privacy.

    Chances are that for one reason or another you will be not invited a lot in future unless they want someone to laugh at, so it probably is no loss to you. Keep the work related things professional and you should be fine.

    All in my opinion of course.

Reply
  • Tigertiim said:

    They then called me a 12 year old….I’m almost 30…..

    This seems like meangirl behaviour and bullying to me, or am I overthinking it? 

    They are comparing your experience with what they were doing at 12 and think that your dating approach is laughable. They are criticising it based on social norms rather than bullying I think.

    My advice is not to disclose what you do in future on dates - do what is right for you and don't feel obliged to share or respond to questions about it - a simple "it's private" response should tell them to back off if they get pushy.

    Tigertiim said:
    I’ve always struggled fitting in and thought I could be myself with these people

    You may have dodged a bullet with this experience. Socialise but don't share much with them. Take an interest in their lives but don't talk much about yours even when pushed - just tell them you don't feel comfortable sharing because of past experiences of criticism and you hope they will respect your privacy.

    If they then push to ask about it then point out they are not respecting your privacy.

    Chances are that for one reason or another you will be not invited a lot in future unless they want someone to laugh at, so it probably is no loss to you. Keep the work related things professional and you should be fine.

    All in my opinion of course.

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