• Replies 10 replies
  • Subscribers 81 subscribers
  • Views 80 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Bullying at work

Alien0n3arth

I'm not sure if I'm being bullied or not, but the manager of the store I work (not boss) he shares at me weird, especially when seeing me covering my eyes when the light or sunlight is too strong. He doesn't say halo or bye to me, I feel it somehow he treats me differently and worse than others. His behaviour is much different that the boss, who comes very rarely. The boss always shakes everyone's hand, mine too. The boss knows that I have some mental health issues without details,  and he accepts it. He is happy that im hard working,  I speak few foreign languages,  which helps in communication with foreign drivers and I keep papers in order. Bit the store manager doesn't like me, because I'm a weirdo, antisocial,  I don't chat or very little, always busy doing something. And too sensitive to certain sounds and lights (mostly these two) sensitivities to smells are not relevant at work. He stares me, comments on me. I feel it, he doesn't like me for who I am, without me doing anything wrong to him. I don't really care, whether he likes me or not, but I'm afraid of him causing me troubles. I also struggle with catastrophising. I found interesting article about it on this site. I relate a lot:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/autism-catastrophising

So I have terrible scenarios of me losing my job. I also have some thoughts- bullying anyone for having a physical disability is widely not accepted. But with mental health issues- it's widely accepted. I don't want to disclose what suspects my therapist,  even if I ever get diagnosed. I'm afraid of being even more bullied. 

My therapist is ready to give me a referral for diagnosis,  but there are no free places so far. So the only thing I have is the paper I have from my therapist,  where he wrote my issues in 3 sentences and wrote his diagnoses he gave me, and also the suspected autism. This is not an official dx,  so this paper does not have much power. But may help me in some situations. 

  • in reply to pinkchocoholic

    Thank you,  I think it's better if I don't speak at least now. Only uf it gets bad.

  • sorry to hear you feel this way. Have you tried talking to the boss about how you feel? or is there an employee assistance programme you can talk to about your feelings (my work provides one and it's been useful to me), they might give you tips on how to discuss with your boss. If you do this I hope it goes well and you feel more comfortable at work. I've had problems in the past about thinking people don't like me, as they tend to avoid me or don't speak to me - I spoke to my manager / supervisor and they helped me understand both sides of the situation and how I could include myself more. 

  • Sometimes, with odd people like the manager of the store; it can be worth pausing to think to yourself if they actually seem to like any of the other workers / do any workers like him (what I wondered: even when you experience he treats you worse than others - does he actually seem to like others, or be liked by the others?).

    Sometimes, there may indeed be what you feel is directed towards you - plus, not really that much better after all being directed towards the others - only the minimum a bit better where he doesn't think he would get away with treating others exactly the same as towards you.

    I say this as; some people have gained the role of "manager" but are unable to live up to that name in the thoughts of anyone of the others either (but we do not experience all the feelings of the others, only those feelings of our own).

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    When people think they control you they give off that look. I tried to explain this to someone once and no one understood, it’s an extra perception thing nd people have I think. From my point of view it helps me identify immediately who my enemy is and when to distance myself or walk away.

  • in reply to pietro_21

    I don't really look at his face much. I only feel that he stares at me weird. I don't react. I'm usually tge quiet creature not doing anything to anyone and being attacked by someone who doesn't like me for being me.

  • in reply to profdanger

    Yes, I actually don't need that from him. We just click and it's nice, it feels nice to have someone else "like me" there. I'm not gonna talk about autism at work. My manager says, he is weird. I only said, he is similar to how I was at his age. I'm in my late 30's and he is in his early twenties (I would say). It would be funny if he wonders the same thing. His reaction to my eating habits says a lot. 

  • Is he smiling like a creepy smile? People who do this stand out to me. All I can say is if its your job don't react bc it will get turned onto you in how they influence others, try to let other people see it is going on in full view. 

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth
    Alien0n3arth said:
    And I really wanna ask him, if he is autistic. 

    Oh yeah, I’ve been there. That’s a tough spot because you don’t want to offend him by asking. But at the same time it would be excellent to have that support of someone else who is Autistic. I have found that the best way to find out if someone is Autistic is to disclose my own Autism first, but I totally respect that in this scenario you may not wish to do that.

  • in reply to profdanger

    Thank you for your answer. I actually giggled while reading this article because of how similar the described process is to my case. I know I have problems with anxiety and it also helps me a bit. Self reflection is important.  But there are always some worries. In fact my boss may not care much to cover my back, maybe only my team manager because he knows me better and is satisfied with my work. He also likes that whenever I commit a mistake, I report it to him immediately,  what happened,  what I've done and what is the problem instead of trying to hide it or put on someone else. I'm a bit anxious about having problems at work or losing my job or being forced to disclose what exactly is my mental health issue. 

    There is a colleague,  young apprentice,  he seems very similar to me (in his behaviour) i like working with him. We can sit together and eat or work with no words or only some word sometimes,I noticed we have similar humour. He is very nice peaceful and polite. So some time ago one other colleague laughed in the cafeteria that I always eat my pasta. She asked me is it two years with only pasta for lunch. I nodded. He smiled and since that time he sits closer to me, even in the bus, smiles to me, says Hallo etc. And I really wanna ask him, if he is autistic.  But I won't do it. 

  • I think it’s a really great sign that you recognize this could be a case of catastrophising. My thought is if he hasn’t done anything to jeopardize your job yet, then you’re probably safe. If I were in your situation, I would try to focus on how positive my relations are with the actual boss more so than how negative they are with the manager. If the relationship with your boss is mostly positive, then you shouldn’t have to worry about whether the manager tries to sabotage your job. The boss should have your back.