Is anyone else living undiagnosed?

People tell me I'm on the spectrum. Even the local greengrocers mentioned my autism to my mother.

I'm 49 next week. Is not easy for me as I have suffered two life threatening head traumas on top. Very bad traumas that I'm told has damaged my mind from close family members. [This portion of the post has been removed by a moderator as it was not in line with our rules.]

I refrain from relationships of any kind. When I'm alone, I don't negatively affect anyone else. I'm kind of OK in my bubble.

On top of that I have painful barrett's oesophagus and advanced diverticulosis. The combination of this and anxiety has rendered me disabled. I take pregablin twice a day.

I'm not sure what to do. I Iive with my disabled mother and help her day to day.

I'm not eligible for a council property as I don't have children. I don't think I'm included in my mother's will either as my toxic sister has designs.  I'm ok with that.

Sorry for this post. I just thought I would share in case someone else is in the same situation. 

Maybe someone could advise me as I'm heading for a homeless nightmare. I couldn't go through with the autism diagnoses so I'm cooked. I'm just living day to day, but know that my living arrangement will all go wrong very soon when (God forbid) my mother is taken ill. 

I'm not expecting a reply. I find this post quite grotesque. It's my problem. I just went ahead and typed it out. Sorry if I offended.

  • Dear NAS71232

    Thank you for sharing this. It's understandable that things feel overwhelming. It sounds as though you are coping with several pressures at once: your health, your responsibilities at home, and worries about what may happen in the future. There is support out there, and you don’t have to deal with all this by yourself.

    If you are feeling unsafe or at immediate risk, please look at our Urgent Help page:
    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/urgent-help

    For guidance around housing and homelessness, Shelter may be able to offer clear advice and options:
    https://www.shelter.org.uk/

    You also mentioned past experiences that were very painful. If you ever feel able to explore support for that, the NSPCC has information about non‑recent abuse and how to talk to someone safely: https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/types-of-abuse/non-recent-abuse/

    Remember, you don’t need a diagnosis to ask for support. 

    Take care,

    Sharon Mod

  • I have suffered two life threatening head traumas

    If you haven't already established contact with The Brain Charity - I encourage you to phone them, or email them, to describe the type of support you would like to ask help about.

    Although they are based in Liverpool, they can have good ideas to share with people asking for help - which would be useful to know about if they live elsewhere in the country too.

    If you scroll down to the bottom of the page on this link - you can see their phone number and an email submission form as well:

    www.thebraincharity.org.uk/.../

  • The Shelter charity can give advice if you are at risk of being homeless - here is a link:

    https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness

  • I'm sorry you have experienced this too. I've found it seems to get worse with age. I hope you find you a positive way out my friend. Good luck! 

  • Sometimes I think about people in war zones that might be autistic. How on earth do they cope in the third world? What I'm going through must be nothing in comparison.They have no voice!

  • Hi, your post is not grotesque at all. There are users who may give you advice,  I'm sorry, I can't advise anything for your situation. I relate partially to your story, I'm also not diagnosed,  only suspected autism,  I experienced a lot of violence and abuse in my life, won't go into details, and I also often feel unworthy and like I'm only annoying others and disturbing them. Now im on meds. 

    I wish you all best and hope you find help despite not having the diagnosis of autism, in fact this is not the only condition that may be disabling or giving you right for support. 

  • Thank you Cinnaber_wing,

    I'll talk to my GP. Maybe he can help me. I just want my own place to live with a garden for my tomatoes! Yeah I know it isn't going to happen!. I don't think I'll get it as my mind is too screwed up. I'm really not well. I'm in pain and can't think straight. People abuse the system to get accommodation. I can't lie and cheat my way. 

    I'm cooked 0_o

  • It can always seem hopeless if you don't know what to do or where to get help. You have worth, and deserve a stable future, it can just seem impossible to get there at times, but it is doable.

    Maybe start with small steps. I don't know your situation exactly, but have you tried contacting CAB (Citizens Advice Bureau). I have a friend who works there, and they help you work out if your fiances and if you can claim any benefits, how to apply for housing (they tend to prioritise those with kids, but you should still be able to get on the waiting list).  And if you do run into housing issues, they might be able to help you contact the right charities in your area for further help.

    It might be worth speaking to a GP anyway, I don't think a diagnosis helps everyone, but if you are struggling with other health issues and mental health issues too, they might be able to assist in some way. I find it hard to speak to doctors, but it's just a case of mustering up all your courage and making the call.

    It can seem hard, but you can do this, I thought your post was really well explained and i really do wish you well with seeking help!

  • I'm finding it difficult to wake up due to fatigue. I think my colon might be leaking. I'm sorry, I know that is gross.

  • "I wonder why you can't go through with a diagnosis?"

    It's obviously real that I have a condition. I worry if the diagnosis will affect me in the future. I don't think a diagnosis will help me get accommodation. I might have to buy a car to sleep in when it all goes wrong.

    I'm basically a text book defination of a loser. Born a dud. Why would the council house a dud with no children? I have no substantial contribution to society. An athiest in todays world is a ***. I am OK with this.

    Wiith all things considered, I would like to find a place to live without bothering anyone.

    I don't think it will be possible due to my condition and lack of children.

  • Good morning from America, NAS71232.

    There’s not much help that I can provide, but there are a few things you said that has stuck out to me:

    When I'm alone, I don't negatively affect anyone else.

    I get that. I often push away friendships if I feel like I’m just a detriment to the other person. What you do have to realize though is that even though there are inevitably bad things you bring into a relationship, there is also inevitably some good you can bring as well.

    I don't think I'm included in my mother's will either as my toxic sister has designs.  I'm ok with that.

    I also have a toxic sister and I can easily imagine her being horrible when my parents eventually pass. Fortunately that’s a long way down the road for me, though. I think I can understand what you mean about being okay with that.

    I couldn't go through with the autism diagnoses so I'm cooked.

    I wonder why you can’t go through with getting a diagnosis? Is it that you don’t think you could handle going through the process, or is there an external factor preventing you from getting it? I know literally nothing about the UK social services programs, but I would imagine that you would be more likely to get the help you need if you were able to gain that diagnosis.