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Masking and late autism discovery

JohnCrane11

Hello, my names John - I’m a 45 year old guy from the uk. 

i have recently come to the realisation that I am autistic - this is through helping my daughter navigate through life and her researching things for herself which we’ve realised apply to me too - probably why I’ve been able to help her (things like messaging friends , why matter of fact texts may be causing others to misunderstand meaning, generally dealing with others). However I’ve realised I’ve been teaching her how to mask effectively. 

first question is should I be doing that and do other people with autism think that is a good idea - teaching to mask - to me if feels  inherently negative right now. 

Second question , do others feel lost and wonder that they have got so good at masking that they are unsure of who they really are  (I guess like what is their true self). I work in a job where I help vulnerable adults (homelessness). Right now I’m wondering if my desire to help people is just me masking into what I think is the right thing to do or do I genuinely want to help people? 

third …… is masking lying - I wonder if my relationships with people are real or they are relationships between them and my masked self? 

id love to know if anyone else has had these thoughts 

Parents

  • 1. Some masking is useful for self protection.

    In an ideal world we would not have to mask but to survive especially in employment.. It will be a personal choice but teaching the basics of how to survive in a NT world would be a positive. However masking does take a lot of energy to keep it up.

    2. That seems to be a general feeling when first diagnosed or first realisation if self diagnosed.

    3.If it is a relationship other than personal, masking can be a protection. If in a personal relationship it is better to be open and honest and try to reduce masking. I find even knowing this I do a lot of masking unconsciously and automatically. But then I am  Late diagnosed or a 'lateling' so have many years and many layers of masking to try and unmask fully.

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  • 1. Some masking is useful for self protection.

    In an ideal world we would not have to mask but to survive especially in employment.. It will be a personal choice but teaching the basics of how to survive in a NT world would be a positive. However masking does take a lot of energy to keep it up.

    2. That seems to be a general feeling when first diagnosed or first realisation if self diagnosed.

    3.If it is a relationship other than personal, masking can be a protection. If in a personal relationship it is better to be open and honest and try to reduce masking. I find even knowing this I do a lot of masking unconsciously and automatically. But then I am  Late diagnosed or a 'lateling' so have many years and many layers of masking to try and unmask fully.

Children