Hi everyone. Not 100% sure if this is the right forum but wanted to put some thoughts down in case anyone can share their views.
I'm a 38yo F and am on an NHS waiting list for an autism diagnosis. Like many it was signs of it in my 6yo daughter (at the time, now 9) and an assessment pathway for her that made me look at myself.
Whilst not confirmed I've basically started to come to the realisation that I am probably autistic and it's become a huge fixation. One way this shows up is that I feel like I can't turn up to my corporate office job properly anymore. When I go into the office (about half of the time) I am more conscious than ever of office noise, overwhelm, constant task switching and an inability to hide my genuine distaste or lack of motivation when seeing a challenge. It worries me that I feel I can't go back to my old work ethic and 'people pleasing perfectionist' since I've started to unconsciously unmask (I've also told my manager I think I might be autistic). I feel a sense of panic around the sustainability of my role and how I can keep going when I feel like it's so fake. But at the same time then idea of leaving a stable job to find a more neuro-suitable role is also overwhelming and I don't feel like I can face the idea of it.
Has anyone else had any experience of this realisation? I find work drains me so much (I genuinely feel exhausted especially when I have to travel to things like conferences) and I've also got little left to give to my (suspected) ND kids who need me for emotional and wellbeing support after their days of masking all day at school. Feels like we're living an oddly parallel existence!
