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Severe Burnout Recovery advice and encouragement needed please

Annah208

Hi, 

My name is Anna. 

Im a 43 year old married mum of two young boys (almost 4 and 8). 

I was diagnosed 11 years ago with Generalised anxiety disorder and Intrusive thoughts after a prolonged period of personal and professional stress. This saw me suffering with looping thoughts of a self harm nature with no desire or intent on harming myself. It took me over a year to get better using CBT. 

I have since had flare ups and bouts of intrusive thoughts and compulsions and health anxiety, none of which were too debilitating. 

At the beginning of last year i developed a twitch in my eye and face which I automatically jumped to the conclusion of being a terminal brain tumour. I obsessed and compulsed (Google research) so much it got to the stage of me having to be signed off work for 5 weeks while I underwent tests which thankfully ruled out anything serious. 

I work as a corporate insurance broker and my job is incredibly stressful compounded by absolutely insane company inefficiencies and a toxic positivity environment where it is frowned upon if you criticise the company processes.  

Since the birth of my youngest almost 4 years ago who we believe has ADHD.  my life has gotten progressively more stressful year on year. My husband works away so im practically a single parent 50% of the time with absolutely no respite- if im not in work, im taking care of the kids. I have zero social life and barely any help with the children. 

I forced myself back to work last year after the clear test results even though I was mentally still not well enough. I had zero support from my employer and was expected to pick up my caseload with no handover. I had extreme brain fog and cognitive issues. My job is extremely technical so i had to work over my hours to try and catch back up despite me struggling. 

This level of stress continued until late October when I experienced what I can only describe as complete collapse / nervous breakdown. 

I was having back to back panic attacks, insomnia, zero appetite resulting in losing 2 stone in month and looping intrusive thoughts that I was that out of control I was going to go mad and harm myself. 

I was eventually seen by a psychiatrist in early January who diagnosed GAD, Panic disorder, health anxiety, intrusive thoughts (although further investigation needed for a full OCD diagnosis) and depression. In addition he also said I have traits of both Autism and ADHD. The latter two did not come as a surprise to me as both my half sisters (maternal and patetnal) have AuDHD diagnoses and we suspect both my mum and dad as being somewhere on the spectrum too. 

In hindsight, I believe what im experiencing is Autistic Burnout as i have severe sensory sensitivities when my anxiety levels are high, have become unable to deal with anybody challenging me / disagreeing or debating with me, cannot properly look after my youngest as his behaviour feels too overwhelming.

I have been taking mirtazapine since just before Christmas which helped to restore my appetite and sleep and have reduced the panic attacks from the crisis levels they were once at but i remain severely anxious and I continue to have these looping catastrophic thoughts which are really getting me down. 

I have been having CBT for the last 12 months with very limited effect. Knowing now that I am probably neurodivergent, it makes sense why there has been limited success with CBT and Ive just this week started seeing a neuro-affirming therapist in the hopes we can target my psychotherapy appropriately. 

The reason for my post though is just to see if anybody can offer any words of reassurance that this problem is fixable. I feel utterly broken and a shell of my former high functioning self. 

I do not intend to return to my job as I feel it has played the biggest part in my downfall. 

Please if anybody has any words of hope and encouragement or advhce they can offer, I'd be most grateful. 

Thanks in advance 

Anna 

Parents

  • I am so sorry you are going through this. I’ve been seeing a neuro-affirming therapist for five months, and it has helped me enormously.

    Regarding 'fixing' burnout, I’ve started to think of it not as something to recover from back to our old selves, but as a turning point. I think that trying to return to that high-functioning state is often what keeps us in the loop. It’s like a wound that changes how we move, and leads to ever greater exhaustion. My current burnout started five (or more) years ago, and after unsuccessfully trying to get back to my old self, I’ve had to accept a new normal.

    I do feel like a failure often, but I’m realising that I simply may not be able to do better in the way I used to. I’m still reinterpreting my goals. Instead of overcoming every challenge at an ever-higher cost, I am building a life around what I can do sustainably. My life is much smaller now, and it isn't exciting by my old standards.

    Accepting that I might not be that person again was hard, but it allowed me to finally stop the collapse. With radical changes and a focus on manageable rather than exceptional (or ideal), functionality returns in a more stable way. I hope your new therapist helps you find a way forward and that you feel the weight lifting soon.

  • in reply to counterpoint

    Thanks so much for your insight. 

    At this moment in time id do anything just to be able to sit and be content instead of being the nervous wreck i now am. I realise now how my old life, my job in particular, was depleting me to the point of breakdown. I just wish I had put measures and commitments in place to take a step back when the first signs of things becoming unsustainable started to show. We got used to me earning a pretty good wage and that took priority over my own health and wellbeing which I now deeply regret. 

    I just hope I can get back to a place where I can manage taking care of my kids and being a nice person to be around without people having to second guess what state I am to avoid me shutting down or going into a panic attack 

Reply
  • in reply to counterpoint

    Thanks so much for your insight. 

    At this moment in time id do anything just to be able to sit and be content instead of being the nervous wreck i now am. I realise now how my old life, my job in particular, was depleting me to the point of breakdown. I just wish I had put measures and commitments in place to take a step back when the first signs of things becoming unsustainable started to show. We got used to me earning a pretty good wage and that took priority over my own health and wellbeing which I now deeply regret. 

    I just hope I can get back to a place where I can manage taking care of my kids and being a nice person to be around without people having to second guess what state I am to avoid me shutting down or going into a panic attack 

Children
  • in reply to Annah208

    Please don't blame yourself for not spotting the signs earlier. I believe that most of us don't see the doom coming until it’s already here. Because many of us learn from childhood to mask and push through discomfort, we often lose the connection with our bodies (decreased interoception). We stop noticing the warning signs because we are so used to the constant exhaustion of trying to fit into a world that wasn't built for us. When the crash finally happens, we fall hard.

    I suspect my wife is on the verge of a similar crash, and watching someone you love tumble toward that edge without being able to stop them is incredibly difficult. It seems many of us only learn the true limits of our systems after a major fall.

    My situation is slightly more manageable because I don't have children, but even so, I've had to make significant changes. Moving to self-employment was my cushion. It gave me the flexibility to listen when my body whispers for rest instead of waiting for it to scream. For women, I believe this is even more complex, as hormonal changes can drastically shift your sensory threshold and energy levels.

    Two years ago, I couldn’t see a way forward. I thought that I couldn't continue like that and that people around me would be somehow better without me. After twin years of trying to recover, I still haven't regained a fraction of my old energy (and maybe I will never be able to), and I am still living on fumes most days, but with my therapist and a better understanding of my body and mind, I’ve found a way to continue. This makes me think that it is possible for you to find a fulfilling life again, too. It will likely look very different from your old one, but it can be a life where you feel at peace rather than like a nervous wreck. Take it one small small step at a time. Best wishes.