My partner has written me a list to go through of things he wants from the online shop (which I do). He goes to the shop for his own lunches (because we eat differently and will pick up extras if we’ve run out but I have to make a point of catching him rather than him asking me). I have an online list stored in the supermarket app. I’ve told him I don’t like the list (although at the time I wasn’t sure why.) This was a couple of months ago but he still pinned it inside the cupboard door. Today, I sat down next to him while he was having his lunch break and said I’ve got an online shop coming tomorrow is there anything you want me to add? I thought I was being nice. I could (wish) I’d just done the order. He directed me to the list. All hell has broken loose from him because I looked at him blankly because I didn’t know what to say. I tried to explain that the list is insulting (can’t remember my words but I wasn’t rude). (Background: his dad had a stroke last week & is stable but in hosp). I get that my timing to refuse going through his list and the cupboards for him was not great but as usual, he’s brought up a selection of things to back up why I don’t care about him and what he does that I don’t. I am autistic. He is, I’m sure, undiagnosed autistic. He finished with an ultimatum of, I should take a good look at myself next week and decide what I want to do (ie in our relationship) and that he’s never felt so useless and unwanted.
We had already agreed without issues that I’d go on planned holiday while he visits his mum & family again and works out how his dad is managed when hospital discharge him.
The situation is delicate. The argument is a repeated pattern. I feel I can see two sides. He just thinks an argument is about working out who’s to blame. I suspect he’ll be in shutdown mode for the next couple of days. I am sick of the loop and constructive thoughts are welcome.
