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I've seen your post earlier and have been thinking about what you wrote about your situation, but I'm unsure if I can say anything helpful.
I certainly can't know exactly what is happening with your partner, but I can share a perspective from my own experience.
When I am exhausted and overwhelmed, when everything feels too much and the world is too loud, being with people becomes extremely difficult. I often dissociate, and in that state, showing interest or care requires an immense amount of energy I simply don't have. It can feel like pretending, which is tragic because logically I know I care, but I am temporarily disconnected from the feeling.
In these moments, I might hide from everyone to avoid coming across as cold or failing to meet expectations. The guilt of failing at the relationship makes the burden even heavier. It isn't a rejection of the other person, it is an inability to process myself.
If I could suggest anything, it would be to offer him your presence with zero expectations. Let him know he can be in the same space (or the same digital space) without needing to talk, perform, or play together. If you can become part of his safe space rather than an additional 'demand' on his energy (I'm not saying that you're a demand, but for a system that it's already on its knees, everything seems like an unbridgeable gap/obstacle), it may help him find his way back to you. I hope you find a way through this together.
It can be very hard, like going through a dark tunnel, trying to find yourself, but I think your gentle approach is like holding up a light that he can see and try to reach. I truely wish you the best, and do feel free to stick around and ask more questions, they are always welcome, it helps bridge that gap across neurotypes! All the best! x
Hello there
thank you so much for such a beautiful message. I feel like I’ve lost my right arm. It’s so hard that he’s removed himself from me. I panic Sometimes. But yes I so want to understand and support him. He’s a beautiful soul. It’s so hard. I’ve not seen him since 16th December not spoken to him since 21st December. Just a few emails. That’s it. I am going to hang on in there. There’s nothing else I can do but wait and be there for him. I just hope he still wants us when he’s got through this.
Thank you x take care x
Hi, I just wanted to say this earlier, and I'm sorry I didn't, but I thought your message was lovely for trying so hard to understand, and I thought you were doing all the right things, even though it must be incredibly hard on you. I think if you can keep it up, you will both get there, but I hope you could get some support in the mean time, as it is hard on you too, and it's good to talk about it. It's okay to ask questions, it shows you are willing to meet him halfway, which is a brave and beautiful thing. If you can find ways to look after yourself, you will be doing the best for you both.
Take care x
Hi and welcome to the community - I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
Here is the NAS guide for partners of autistic people, which I hope many be of some help:
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/family-life-and-relationships/family-life/partners
