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Sharing diagnosis with elderly parents- any advice?

Lemon slice

I think im at the point I'd like to share my diagnosis with my parents, they're in late eighties.

Im off work just now recovering from burnout, they know im off work, have told them im exhausted and work is too stressful but they're now really starting to ask more questions and I think they're worrying about me. Im never normally off work so this is highly unusual.

I think I want to tell them so they wont worry, however, aware they will still worry as they won't understand it all but at least they'll know im not dying! I think how I explain it to them, ie the words I use are important, eg I found out im autistic rather than I got diagnosed. 

I just wondered if anyone had any tips on telling elderly parents. Others in my family already know.

  • in reply to Jalapeno

    Thanks.

    Oh I maybe should have mentioned i think my mum is 100% autistic but I wouldn't be breaching that subject at all with her as i think it would be too much for her, she also has early dementia.

  • in reply to Lonehare12

    Thanks. Yes, initially I wanted to tell parents first before other family, as im very close to them and felt it unfair that others would know and not them, but then it felt too difficult. 

    I think i will wait until im a bit better so that im doing it when im feeling in a good place, otherwise,  they'll probably associate it with me being ill.

    Thanks for your comments. 

  • Hi Lemon, that does sound difficult. I can only go off my parents and grand parent. My parents are in their v late 60's and are ok with it as they took part in one part of my assessment. My Nan however is 89 and her response was, 'she was sorry for me'. I agree its likely a generation bias, but I think once you are happy with who you are, (and you are confident in the answers you will give to the q'tions they may have), I hope it will feel easier. Parents will always worry regardless (that doesn't stop you worrying about them worrying about you). G luck.

  • Hi 

    I would be honest with them but maybe wait until you feeling a bit better in yourself. Only you know how strong you are. 

    It sounds like your parents genuinely care for you so however they react at least you know it’s coming from a good place.

    My parents were just not interested and I only told them as a tick box exercise because I’d told my brother who was also pretty uninterested. It just didn’t feel fair to me not telling them when my brother already knew.

    You could tell them now you know you have Autism it is going to help you navigate the world a bit easier and you don’t have to be as hard on yourself. It’s a positive thing!!

    Hope it all goes well.

    Keep us posted.

    Blush

  • My parents are 80ish my dad knows but doesn't understand , my mum I haven't told but she's very probably autistic and I don;t want to add to her worries she has enough at the mo.  likewise my sister doesnt know either - again she has her health issues to deal with.  My wife and kids know I'm AuDHD and a couple of close friends. 

    not sure there's a right answer to your question - your diagnosis help you understand problems you've been having at work, and other Autistics can relate to that for sure

    As genetics are strongly linked - have you considered either or both your parents are ND ? even if they don't know it like my mum .  And would that change your approach and their understanding

    Good luck - I think you'll make the right call yourself about to disclose, find the right words and choose the timing.