Beginning Adult Diagnosis Odyssey at 44 - interested to hear other's experiences navigating this winding path in middle-life.

Just wanted to thank everyone for responding. Reassurances from those with experience counts for a lot. I'm feeling quite optimistic about things, although still apprehensive. It's incredible to think that a person can mask, quite successfully, well into their 40s. Even just learning about masking, how it works, the price it demands of us, has been something of a revelation. I can see a pattern in my past and wonder how it's taken this long join the dots together. Masking and burnout. I think it's actually done a number on my memory, both short and long-term, because things are very patchy. I have to keep multiple notebooks, although they can also be a kind of literary fidget-spinner in their own right. These past few years my ability to "cope" with the day-to-day noise of the world has been significantly reduced, to the point where I have to drive to work at an ungodly hour to avoid traffic, reduced parking-space anxiety, and have a couple of hours by myself in the office when I can warm-up and get my head into the game. It also explains a lot about my stumbling attempts at socialising, and how I tend to rely to pre-rehearsed scripts, standard stories, and that sort of thing. Oh, and why I spend so much time recovering in my personal well of quiet aloneness. Still don't know what to do with the anger I'm feeling about past injustices but there are things you can't control. So, I am feeling good about this, just overwhelmed, confused, a little excited, but also worried, and I have a PhD in advanced worrying. 

Just wanted to thank everyone for responding. Reassurances from those with experience counts for a lot. I'm feeling quite optimistic about things, although still apprehensive. It's incredible to think that a person can mask, quite successfully, well into their 40s. Even just learning about masking, how it works, the price it demands of us, has been something of a revelation. I can see a pattern in my past and wonder how it's taken this long join the dots together. Masking and burnout. I think it's actually done a number on my memory, both short and long-term, because things are very patchy. I have to keep multiple notebooks, although they can also be a kind of literary fidget-spinner in their own right. These past few years my ability to "cope" with the day-to-day noise of the world has been significantly reduced, to the point where I have to drive to work at an ungodly hour to avoid traffic, reduced parking-space anxiety, and have a couple of hours by myself in the office when I can warm-up and get my head into the game. It also explains a lot about my stumbling attempts at socialising, and how I tend to rely to pre-rehearsed scripts, standard stories, and that sort of thing. Oh, and why I spend so much time recovering in my personal well of quiet aloneness. Still don't know what to do with the anger I'm feeling about past injustices but there are things you can't control. So, I am feeling good about this, just overwhelmed, confused, a little excited, but also worried, and I have a PhD in advanced worrying.