When your in a fairly good place mentally and have free time, what do you do?

Yeah it’s mind blowing but some people never really listen to that quiet inner voice that’s trying to be heard and so often ignored. Good for you for having the bravery to do it.

A quiet life sounds very appealing BTW.

Hi Lonehare12,

Thank you for your reply. It seems odd having lived and worked for so many years to only now have the time to start to get to know myself!

HiPaul_2025 great post!!

Maybe going back to childhood and remembering what switched something on inside. Being around horses works for me also being in nature.

I do need routine though, I can soon feel lost without it. 

I have also joined an Autistic group, we have walks and board games on a monthly basis. I do find that I can be myself more in this space. 

I think you might have an idea what you really want from life so just go for it.

Hope you find contentment

I think if there ever was a one line answer to my query, that's it

Thanks People

Do that - off to the land of trowels!

TheCatWoman said:

I think you need to spend some time learning how to be a human being rather than a human doing.

Exactly!

Paul_2025 said:

I’m not sure what I was hoping to find in this on-line community.

This site has many uses for an autistic person - friendship at a safe distance; shared values; being part of a community yet able to dip in and out without anyone questioning or pressing you to join in. Also, being able to give out ideas and read other people's ideas without fear of criticism. If I can't sleep or had a nightmare, I log in and read some of the threads or think up a thred to post - anything, something frivolous.

Paul_2025 said:

I now have the time to do things but no impulse.

This is the problem about retirement at whatever age. For me, the trick is to always have a schedule /'to do' lists - the latter can comprise chores, cleaning, shopping or creative stuff like writing or craft - preferably a good mix for each day. I also create lists of little projects in the house or garden [depending on the time of year], so I always have something I can do. It might be as simple as watering and trimming house plants.

Planning, buying materials then 'doing' the project is very satisfying. Days slip along nicely, because this way you choose to do things or not to.

To avoid doldrum days [which I still experience], I find an 'end marker' - for example, 'before my GP appointment I'll finish [x or y]' or 'I'll do [x or y] before [specific TV programme] .

Paul_2025 said:

How do we find meaning and purpose in what may be our very isolated existences?

This might be helpful - 5 ways to well-being from the New Economics Foundation.

I have watched it. I find I can only watch gentle comedy’s too. I sometimes rewatch them at a later date and pick up on funny bits I missed first time. You dabbled that’s v cool. I’m sure there’s more to it than sweeping with a tiny brush but how therapeutic and hyper focused is that. I might have to research ‘detectors’ or get a paintbrush and off to the garden I go lol

I don't even have a camera now, I gave up as all my photo's come out blurry and weird, it was never my hobby anyway, it was the hobby of an ex.

That sounds like a great idea. Have you watched Detectorists? I've watched it many times - a gentle comedy like The Good LIfe. I used to dabble in archaeology but too old with painful knees. Both of these hobbies are excellent - you can be with people and get enthused without having to be 'social' and finding anything is such a joy. 

Analogue photography person here. Horses for courses, and I like all kinds of photography, but I especially enjoy the bric-a-brac nature of analogue. It has deepened the hobby for me - hunting out old cameras, building cameras, creating a garage darkroom, learning how to develop film, experiment with film. Plus, without being able to instantly see the pictures you're taking, the entire process becomes more tactile, more intuiative and freeing. You have to slow down and think about your shots. Plus film isn't cheap, and in this throwaway relentless jackrabbit world of ours there's something to be said about slowing down and taking time. My old cameras give me a lot of pleasure. I like just having them around and keeping them going. In awkward encounters they can be a good focus for conversation, and when I'm outside away from familiar places it's comforting to have a filtered reality at the ready. Also, I might go six months without taking a photograph. It doesn't matter. Cameras have a kind of magic I think. Especially the old ones that have been there for so many important moments in strangers' lives. 

Sounds like you could end up as one of those retired people who wonder how they ever found time to work, lol

I get really depressed and low if I don't have a routine. My mum says that my mental health was always worse during summer holidays, because I didn't have the routine of school. I noticed the same difference when comparing my mental health during part-time work and full-time work. So I dread the day when I have no obligations and hope that by then, I will have learned to impose my own routines on myself.

That aside, things I enjoy doing when there are no expectations are: hanging out with my boyfriend, solving sudoku and similar number puzzles, playing chess, reading easy fiction or non-fiction about subjects I'm very curious about (music, science mostly), playing badminton, swimming, listening to audiobooks while taking a walk, knitting, and that just scratches the surface! I have many many interests that I just don't engage in enough at all. Hopefully this can motivate me to do my hobbies more, and scroll less.

Thank you. Because I cycle almost every day, 60 miles is something I do without thinking. 150 miles in day is my record and that took some calories! 

I prefer the convenience of digital photography. Analogue (film) photography can produce wonderful results, but darkroom processing is expensive, time consuming, and involves chemical smells that I find very unpleasant.

Do you use only digital or do you use film camera's too? An ex was really into photgraphy, he used to develop his own films and had all sorts of gadgets and filters etc. I learnt a lot about photography except how to take a good picture, my pictures were always terrible, I don't think I have the eye for it.

Photography needn't be about 'doing'. I find it a useful aid to mindfulness. Getting out into the countryside (or town for that matter) with my camera enables me to get into a kind of flow state as I look for and contemplate the little things that are so easily overlooked, e.g., a weed growing up between the cracks in a pavement, an interesting piece of graffiti/street art, interesting reflections in puddles or windows or mirrors. And I am learning to play with the camera by using intentional camera motion and long exposures to create ghostly and dreamlike images.

I'm thinking about joining a detectorist club. Start as a group headphones on and stay in my own little world for as long as I can surrounded by nature. If I get a bit distracted I might take my camera with me. Finding anything is not my driver, it would be a bonus. 

I think you need to spend some time learning how to be a human being rather than a human doing. Retiring from work is a big thing, no matter how welcome, it removes both structure and purpose from our days, a lot of autistic people find some kind of structure really important, even down to the little things, like putting on your work clothes and having regular set hours imposed from outside.

It sounds to me like you've not really found where you need to be yet, you've lots of ideas' photography, drawing etc, but don't seem to find a way to fit them in. Maybe when you go for a walk, don't take your camera or sketch book, just be in the moment and don't try and filter everything you see through a lens of "doing". This will give space for things to come to you and hopefully help you find where you need to be.

You are normal, you don't need to compare yourself to others and find yourself wanting, what do you get out of all this comparison? If it gives you a list of shoulds and oughts then stop it, why not compare yourself to other autistic people? Trying to compare yourself with NT people is like comparing apples and pears, theres nothing wrong with either of them, they're just not the same. Also, don't forget that a lot of NT people lie about their lives, they're no where near as perfect as they appear from the outside and what they tell you is what they think you want to hear. I think a lot of NT people think they have to live life as shown in a colour supplement in a sunday newspaper, no one does, well some people seem to live charmed lives, but everybody else just muddles through.

I read, I garden and I cook, I wish I had time and energy for more and the money and space too.  

Thanks for your reply. I found simply saying yes to things I would previously have never considered such as joining a group, going on outings, has made quite a difference. Enough for me to become somewhat confused over what I really want. Living like a hermit in peace and quiet no longer holds much appeal, thankfully. Perhaps I am in limbo at the moment, in transition from someone who lived to work to one who now has time to work at trying to live.

I would never have written to a forum like this a while ago, so some change in me is taking place, no bad thing, just long over due.