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When your in a fairly good place mentally and have free time, what do you do?

Paul_2025

I’m not sure what I was hoping to find in this on-line community. Hardly surprising as I’m not sure what I’m looking for. An answer to the meaning of life for a neuro-divergent in an alien world?

I had a late diagnosis in my mid-forties and decided to opt out of the work place as soon as I could. Work was never about work as such, it was about navigating relationships, being with groups when I wanted to be alone and getting stressed out year in year out. That’s all in the past now. I retired a few years ago, quite early at age 59. Not quite a burnt out shell. I’m stretching my pension to breaking point, but have enough to live on.

So now I have no need to work, no requirement to spend 8 hours a day with a group of strangers or commute. I’m free to do what I want, finances permitting!

I like photography, or rather I thought I did, I find I can wander around for ages with a camera but seldom feel the urge to take a photograph. It’s the same with drawing and painting, I now have the time to do things but no impulse. I busy myself decorating around the house, tidying the garden and so on, but I know I am just distracting myself from over thinking my difficulties relating to people.

I joined a group of neuro-divergent people. We meet up, have outings and chat. We go through all the motions of what “normal” people do. Somehow though it seems a pretence, slightly unreal, almost an act. There is a genuine effort by all to make the group work and we do enjoy each others company, as far as we can. However they, like me, are all slightly broken, or rather wired differently.

Not being integrated with society or perhaps more accurately the rest of the human race does rather throw a spanner in the works for so many things. Perhaps it’s enough to live quietly, go for walks, take the odd photo, draw the odd drawing and paint the odd painting. May be the answer is to take a step back from comparing my lifestyle to that of normal people and just accept that I’m different. But I feel I want something more.

So my question is, when the unwanted noise of life finally quietens and you have free time, what do people like us actually do?

How do we find meaning and purpose in what may be our very isolated existences?

Answers on a postcard...

  • in reply to LucyLandRover

    A 60 mile cycle ride! I think that would fill several days of my week. You really seem to be pushing boundaries. I like the idea of a planned mini adventure. Good luck on your future trip to Wales, I’m sure you will be cycling around the hills.

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thanks for your reply. I’m sure it’s not depression, I had that when I was much younger, several times. This is more an outlook on life that I find quite expected given the way my mind works. Not so much feeling down, as just a bit lost. The structure that working life brought to my life however unwelcome, did prop me up. Now that’s gone I’ll have to build something else to replace it. Sometines I do feel it would be nice for there to be someone else in my life, but solitude is what I’m used to, not something I want, but often what I need.

  • I also retired early, but only by a couple of years before my state pension starts. I read a lot, play video games, and converse online with others in this community.

    I live with my husband who is also retired, so I also have someone around to chat to and share stuff with. Perhaps that's what is missing in your life? Maybe try to cultivate one friendship so that you have someone to share things with?

    Also, finding it difficult to engage with things you used to like may be a symptom of depression, so perhaps you could consult your GP?

  • I go litter picking to retain my sanity in this crazy world as it gets me away from noisy people and in to the calm of the moors. I also cycle and love going for a 60 mile ride and a cafe stop. I do venture out and recently went on the Caledonian Sleeper train which is something I have wanted to do for some time. But is it hard to deal with strangers so I took my ear defenders and coped as best as I could. I did meet some nice people as I booked assistance so that makes it better. It was a quick dash to Edinburgh and back as that was all I could cope with. I tried and failed to find suitable holiday accommodation in Wales recently.  Disabled accommodation is priced too high for me. I just do not want to simply move to another postcode and the same noisy neighbors!

  • Paul_2025 said:
    when the unwanted noise of life finally quietens and you have free time, what do people like us actually do?

    For me I spent a lot of time working on developing effective coping techniques for my autistic traits, amending problematic coping mechanisms and generally getting "in touch with myself" which meant I could identify my emotions easily and be able to express them in a healthy way.

    All these things made it much easier for me to socialise although I elected to do this sparingly but I found being isolated was like running away from things so I have more recently chosen to engage in more "normal" social interactions and even found a girlfriend on a dating app so I have a regular romantic relationship on the go.

    I find the balance makes me feel more complete. Grounded even. I am in a better place mentally and emotionally than at any other point in my life, but then again I am out of the rat race (early retired at 55) and my own boss now.