Confused after diagnosis

Well congrats on your diagnosis! I actually had a similar experience with my wife, who was not convinced about it until after I was diagnosed. So I get it.

 lorodo Really pleased for you, and well done for pushing back. Your story resonated. The first assessment I had was during lockdown so video calls only and I received a similar 'traits but not enough for autism diagnosis' answer. I obtained a second expert opinion later and was positively diagnosed as autistic and ADHD, with the subtleties of my high-masking presentation (and wandering eye contact) clearer face-to-face. Good luck with exploring your new autistic identity!

So you received the formal diagnosis? If so, congratulations. I'm on my way.

I agree. It's all subjective. One Psych will say someone meets the diagnostic criteria, someone else will say that person doesn't. According to my understanding, the DSM is written by committees of psychiatrists and researchers, and there are no objective biological markers (like a blood test or brain scan) that define autism in the DSM.

Does getting a diagnosis really help you understand why you find relationships so hard? 
Do you need this diagnosis to find relationship advice for people with ASD?
Do you think self awareness could have helped you understand yourself without a diagnosis?
Do you think you could have got help with relationships without the diagnosis?

Yes, absolutely! 

Thanks for engaging. Are you comfortable with me asking more questions based on your response?

It's such an interesting point before assessment isn't it. I thought I didn't mind that much if I got the official diagnosis or not, until I didn't get one. Then I felt marooned! Now that the psychiatrist re-considered and gave the ASD diagnosis, I do feel a weight has lifted in uncertainty, so for me it's definitely been worth while going through the process. I agree a support group sounds really helpful (if daunting), I hope you find one that works for you if you do go for assessment. And I'm glad the site helps you! 

A belated reply as i was taking some time to process everything, but I just wanted to say this comment really helped me. I felt welcomed and that's a big thing for me - so, thank you. And in the end I got the ASD diagnosis anyway! 

Thank you, this gave me some encouragement. In the end I did get as ASD diagnosis as I pushed back a bit with the psychiatrist and she reconsidered. I know it shouldn't really but having an official diagnosis does matter to me - I think because people I'd talked to about it beforehand said similar things about 'oh, we're all on the spectrum' and I felt I was going to be able to make my voice heard without a diagnosis. My dad has definitely paid attention since I got a diagnosis rather than when I self-identified a couple of years ago, when he totally ignored it. 

Thanks Stuart - this was exactly the core of the debate. The psychiatrist said she could see traits in all categories, but didn't feel it impaired my life day to day so wouldn't be classified as ASD. I pointed out she hadn't asked how those traits affect my life day to day, so how was she able to draw that conclusion. She sent me another form, and gave a revised diagnosis of ASD! Really shows how subjective the assessment process is, despite their best efforts. 

Good point! I didn't explain that at all. I've had a lot of issues with maintaining relationships (40+ failed relationships since my divorce) and was hoping that knowing I had ASD might give me some understanding around why I find them so hard, and also maybe find some relationship advice for people with ASD to help with maintaining relationships. I got the ASD diagnosis in the end, so hopefully that relationship information is out there - beginning the search now! 

Thank you - it was a video call. In the end she re-considered the diagnosis! I suggested she re-read my pre-assessment forms as I couldn't see how I could possibly not have ASD. She re-read them and agreed - crazy system. 

Hi and welcome to the community. 

lorodo said:

just had my diagnosis call with Psychiatry UK

I'm just wondering - was that a voice or video call? Maybe they didn't pick things up that they could in a face to face assessment, or maybe you mask too well and the assessor isn't skilled at seeing through masking.

I'm not formally diagnosed, I'm self discovered and identify as autistic, and I've been on this forum almost 9 years. So yes, you can get support here. Ask us any other questions you have and we'll do our best to help. I hope that being on this forum helps you.

lorodo said:

was really hopeful that finding I had ASD might give me the key to managing to sustain a relationship

I might have misunderstood this quote. Can you help me to understand how a diagnosis might help you to keep relationships? 

Remember that being diagnosed is not just traits, there has to be evidence of impairment in more than one domain.

If you are mostly coping but just finding things hard it may not be enough. If they haven't said, you can maybe ask what the issue was.

lorodo said:

If you only have autistic traits but not ASD, can you still get support from an autistic community? 

Absolutely. And one thing to consider is that there are people that self-identify as Autistic without an official diagnosis. Also, you could get a second opinion, if having an official diagnosis is important to you.

As far as I know, for one assessor the autistic traits may be enough, for another one - not. I understand your disappointment especially with the family. Honestly if I get assessed and I hear that im not enough, I would still stay here. As for now I'm suspected/self realised. On one hand I'm afraid of being told I'm not autistic and getting no support, on other hand I'm afraid of being diagnosed autistic. So I'm not sure how to proceed.  My therapist says I should be assessed so it will probably happen in some future. What will be the outcome - I've no idea. For me the most important thing is being able to join a local support group (official diagnosis required). The identity is less Important for me. If there is no help for me then I will cease to look for it further, just stick as I am. And stick around here anyway because this place is so important for me.

lorodo said:

If you only have autistic traits but not ASD, can you still get support from an autistic community? 

Yes you can! Welcome to the community lorodo 

It’s disappointing for you when you find life hard. Just because you are below the threshold for a diagnosis doesn’t mean that things are easy. I hope you will find this place and its resources useful.