Acceptance - ADHD - Autism - or Both

I am just starting to accept myself as autistic, it's been years and years.  You will find a good space, it's getting there that takes time.

I was really scared to tell my family, I've only told my kids and husband and the older generation are mostly dead by now.  I decided to tell the assessment team that I have no-one from childhood, instead of asking my sister.  It's easier to tell the younger generation, my kids have several ADHD / autistic friends so they are more aware.  I also know several parents of my generation who did not pursue a diagnosis for their child as they did not want them "drugged up" or put in special schools or have that stigma attached to them - I view it as more trying to protect you than denying your experience, although the two get conflated.

I have two ways of telling people.  1.  Talk about the things I find hard but don't call it autism  e.g. "Please tell me directly if you need me to do something, as I don't always understand hints  - hints can mean too many different things if you don't make it clear."  or "I can do the technical sife of this job, but I need support in customer liaison, for example, getting people's views on this website I am working on and how it can be improved."  or "I need time to decompress."   2.  Come directly out with it, but I do this only with people likely to understand such as those already working in the area or with diagnosed relatives or friends so they are already aware.  I don't use this approach often.

I am in my 60s, and going for an assessment for autism, but after several years research I am only just perfectly happy to self-identify as autistic, but it took may years to get there, as I started investigating when info about autism in girls and women started to become available.  I have had a lot of family support over the years, as they have always been aware that I don't like social gatherings that much.  And my daughters used to warn their schoolfriends not to hug me as I was "not a huggy person".  We know about "decompression time" in our house to avoid burnout, and I think this diving analogy is a wonderful one as it does convey that time is needed and it is somethat that is necessary and cannot be hurried .  We also know about stress - it has not all been plain sailing but sometimes a grim determination to get through no matter what. The trigger that finally made be seek a formal diagnosis was when we moved to a new place after retirement, and 2 different sets of people independently started to talk to me about their diagnoses or their relatives' diagnosis.  That made me think I might not be imagining things at all, and was the start of my self-acceptance. 

I am just starting to accept myself as autistic, it's been years and years.  You will find a good space, it's getting there that takes time.

I was really scared to tell my family, I've only told my kids and husband and the older generation are mostly dead by now.  I decided to tell the assessment team that I have no-one from childhood, instead of asking my sister.  It's easier to tell the younger generation, my kids have several ADHD / autistic friends so they are more aware.  I also know several parents of my generation who did not pursue a diagnosis for their child as they did not want them "drugged up" or put in special schools or have that stigma attached to them - I view it as more trying to protect you than denying your experience, although the two get conflated.

I have two ways of telling people.  1.  Talk about the things I find hard but don't call it autism  e.g. "Please tell me directly if you need me to do something, as I don't always understand hints  - hints can mean too many different things if you don't make it clear."  or "I can do the technical sife of this job, but I need support in customer liaison, for example, getting people's views on this website I am working on and how it can be improved."  or "I need time to decompress."   2.  Come directly out with it, but I do this only with people likely to understand such as those already working in the area or with diagnosed relatives or friends so they are already aware.  I don't use this approach often.

I am in my 60s, and going for an assessment for autism, but after several years research I am only just perfectly happy to self-identify as autistic, but it took may years to get there, as I started investigating when info about autism in girls and women started to become available.  I have had a lot of family support over the years, as they have always been aware that I don't like social gatherings that much.  And my daughters used to warn their schoolfriends not to hug me as I was "not a huggy person".  We know about "decompression time" in our house to avoid burnout, and I think this diving analogy is a wonderful one as it does convey that time is needed and it is somethat that is necessary and cannot be hurried .  We also know about stress - it has not all been plain sailing but sometimes a grim determination to get through no matter what. The trigger that finally made be seek a formal diagnosis was when we moved to a new place after retirement, and 2 different sets of people independently started to talk to me about their diagnoses or their relatives' diagnosis.  That made me think I might not be imagining things at all, and was the start of my self-acceptance.