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Acceptance - ADHD - Autism - or Both

M11

I guess my questions are

How have you accepted yourself whether you have a diagnosis or not? 
Has anyone been able to open a dialogue back up with family members on the subject, after shutting down for years because their initial response was “no your not, there’s nothing wrong with you”

A brief bullet pointed background information as I tend to waffle 

  • I was blissfully unaware until 5 years ago 
  • burnouts occurred yearly after I started full time work at around 27 (late I know) 
  • I researched burnout, quick promotions and underachieving and stumbled across ADHD, I researched this all day and night for months outside of work, I then stumbled across autism reluctantly looking into it because of the self perceived sigma from myself around it. 
  • Again I researched both ADHD and autism day and night for 12-18 months I was slightly obsessed
  • Confined in my partner, who I think was took a bit by suprise and said “no your not”. That was the first blow to my confidence around it, as I’d spent so much time researching it. she later come back to me weeks later after researching and said she thinks I may be. 

  • She encouraged me to get a doctors appointment into it, I did I went in there stating I think I have ADHD but there may be a slight possibility of autism.
  • I got referral to an Autism waiting list, just over 3 years ago. 
  • after 18 months on the waiting list and struggling to fill my forms in, due to not asking my family. I plucked up the courage to ask, which was met with “there’s nothing wrong with you, you were a good kid” I think I always knew this was the response I would receive that’s why I held it off so long. That was the 2nd blow to my confidence and I’ve shutdown on opening up about my thoughts regarding the possibility now

  • fast forward to today around 2 months ago, I got removed from the waiting list as 3 years had past and I didn’t have enough information to give to them. 
  • I believe I’m a very self aware person and I know deep down I’m neurodivergent. I’m going from strength to strength in my career and my personal life but I feel like that’s never going to be enough until i’m able to accept this part of myself and hope to get some understanding from family members, as they cant see just how much I struggle internally at times because I’m able to hide it/control it now before I reach a burnout stage. 

    Not having anyone you feel comfortable talking to about it, without feeling like you’re being judged makes you suppress it more I suppose. 
Parents

  • I strongly recommend seeing a therapist if you can. If you can find a neurodivergent one, all the better. I realised I was autistic at the beginning of last year and started seeing a therapist about it straight away. I got referred for a diagnosis at the same time and am now diagnosed and still seeing my therapist. I would say that having someone to discuss everything with, who will help you learn about and accept yourself, is more important than the diagnosis, or at least it was for me. My therapist is AuDHD and suggested I may be the same. I knew I was autistic but the ADHD bit came as a surprise and took me some time to accept. I now know 100% that I am AuDHD and have started the long process of getting an ADHD assessment, although this is only so I can try medication.

    As for the assessment that I did do, I was able to do this without involving my parents who I feared would have the same reaction as yours, if not stronger. This may be because my wife has known me for thirty years.

    I don't think you should view a diagnosis as essential. If you can find a good therapist who understands neurodivergence, this can be another way to gaining self acceptance, which is ultimately what we are all striving for I think.

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  • I strongly recommend seeing a therapist if you can. If you can find a neurodivergent one, all the better. I realised I was autistic at the beginning of last year and started seeing a therapist about it straight away. I got referred for a diagnosis at the same time and am now diagnosed and still seeing my therapist. I would say that having someone to discuss everything with, who will help you learn about and accept yourself, is more important than the diagnosis, or at least it was for me. My therapist is AuDHD and suggested I may be the same. I knew I was autistic but the ADHD bit came as a surprise and took me some time to accept. I now know 100% that I am AuDHD and have started the long process of getting an ADHD assessment, although this is only so I can try medication.

    As for the assessment that I did do, I was able to do this without involving my parents who I feared would have the same reaction as yours, if not stronger. This may be because my wife has known me for thirty years.

    I don't think you should view a diagnosis as essential. If you can find a good therapist who understands neurodivergence, this can be another way to gaining self acceptance, which is ultimately what we are all striving for I think.

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