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My 47Y/O Female wife

NAS73364

Just wondered as I feel so lost currently, in my home I have 3 sons 20/19/14 all are Autistic/ADHD but 20YO not had formal diagnosis. Around 11 years ago when my 19 YO was diagnosed I started to see similarities in my wife’s behaviour, I brought this up with GP as she was always a bit insecure and nervous and struggled a little with illness, when Covid hit and she started Perimenopause she became fixated on illness, she’d been put on antidepressants 20 years ago but suddenly she was blaming everything on side effects of different tablets and withdrawals.

What is especially difficult as she was diagnosed ASD/ADHD 6 months ago and for 5 years it’s been spells shutdown in bed, she has got to be in control so chooses her own medication, orders antibiotics because she believes she is ill, stockpiling them next to her bed. She threatens to end herself if I don’t listen, Police got called by our kids scared of her meltdown and they said it was coercive control but I didn’t press charges as she’s not doing it on purpose. Sorry if this is too long but GP’s and Psychiatrist will only listen to her and I’m exhausted.

Parents

  • She has every right to be in control of her own medication and illness - if anything perhaps she has hypercondria and hopefully she’s taking some medical advice for this or you have asked the doctor about this. Not sure how she gets hold of antibiotics without a GP. I really can’t imagine the police saying that someone threatening to kill themselves was coercive control (unless you’re missing a lot more detail in this story) they would be opening themselves up to prosecution making statements like that especially if she actually does. If she needs to go to bed she’s likely suffering from burnout and not being understood. 

  • in reply to InterTrails
    1. Just an update here, spoken to someone from the Autism hub near me, explained the hypersensitivity and how she’s never at fault, he believes it to be Vulnerable Narcissism from childhood trauma as well as Autism, going to see if there’s any counsellors in the area that deal with those issues specifically and give them a try.

    Thank you to all on here from either perspective and hopefully in the not too distant future I can provide a positive update on the journey.

  • in reply to NAS73364

    do psychologists even describe someone as narcissistic? That word is thrown around too often I just thought it was an uneducated broad term for specific personality disorders. It’s good that you’ve got some help though and progressing in a positive direction 

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