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My 47Y/O Female wife

NAS73364

Just wondered as I feel so lost currently, in my home I have 3 sons 20/19/14 all are Autistic/ADHD but 20YO not had formal diagnosis. Around 11 years ago when my 19 YO was diagnosed I started to see similarities in my wife’s behaviour, I brought this up with GP as she was always a bit insecure and nervous and struggled a little with illness, when Covid hit and she started Perimenopause she became fixated on illness, she’d been put on antidepressants 20 years ago but suddenly she was blaming everything on side effects of different tablets and withdrawals.

What is especially difficult as she was diagnosed ASD/ADHD 6 months ago and for 5 years it’s been spells shutdown in bed, she has got to be in control so chooses her own medication, orders antibiotics because she believes she is ill, stockpiling them next to her bed. She threatens to end herself if I don’t listen, Police got called by our kids scared of her meltdown and they said it was coercive control but I didn’t press charges as she’s not doing it on purpose. Sorry if this is too long but GP’s and Psychiatrist will only listen to her and I’m exhausted.

Parents
  • NAS73364 said:
    Police got called by our kids scared of her meltdown and they said it was coercive control but I didn’t press charges as she’s not doing it on purpose

    Your situation sounds precarious and I think it could be impossible to reach a satisfactory conclusion for all concerned. You and your children deserve a life in safety and happiness away from your wife’s abusive behaviour.

    Do talk to someone who can give you advice and help. 

  • in reply to ArchaeC

    “A single incident during a clear, acute medical episode is unlikely on its own to form the basis of a coercive control charge.” having a meltdown one time is not going to be considered coercive control. And given the fact that she’s only just been diagnosed it sounds like she was trying to get the right help and support 

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  • in reply to ArchaeC

    “A single incident during a clear, acute medical episode is unlikely on its own to form the basis of a coercive control charge.” having a meltdown one time is not going to be considered coercive control. And given the fact that she’s only just been diagnosed it sounds like she was trying to get the right help and support 

Children
  • in reply to NAS73364

    I’m not certain, it sounds to me that there is a lot more to this than I am prepared to comment about. In my experience people don’t just become like this randomly so I still would just say to go to the doctor and if you can’t work it out then look at seperating. I’m not joining in on any online club that reinforces negativity based on minimum information particularly against somebody who is clearly having mental health issues. I feel sorry for both of you and your family for being in this troubling predicament but I would rather you look for a healthy solution for all of you with the correct support such as the NHS   

  • in reply to InterTrails

    And that is exactly what she did when she convinced herself she needed antibiotics and I wouldn’t get them for her, told her to go get tests done at the gp.

  • in reply to ArchaeC

    Not in any of that paragraph that was posted suggested that she is threatening suicide if demands are not met. It just describes a mental health issue with medication and I know he put “if I don’t listen” but that does not state that she is not suicidal and it’s because he does not listen just that is when she brings it up and that he does not listen 

  • in reply to InterTrails

    Threatening suicide unless demands are met together with other behaviours that are having a detrimental affect on family members may be coercive control which is a form of abuse.