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My 47Y/O Female wife

NAS73364

Just wondered as I feel so lost currently, in my home I have 3 sons 20/19/14 all are Autistic/ADHD but 20YO not had formal diagnosis. Around 11 years ago when my 19 YO was diagnosed I started to see similarities in my wife’s behaviour, I brought this up with GP as she was always a bit insecure and nervous and struggled a little with illness, when Covid hit and she started Perimenopause she became fixated on illness, she’d been put on antidepressants 20 years ago but suddenly she was blaming everything on side effects of different tablets and withdrawals.

What is especially difficult as she was diagnosed ASD/ADHD 6 months ago and for 5 years it’s been spells shutdown in bed, she has got to be in control so chooses her own medication, orders antibiotics because she believes she is ill, stockpiling them next to her bed. She threatens to end herself if I don’t listen, Police got called by our kids scared of her meltdown and they said it was coercive control but I didn’t press charges as she’s not doing it on purpose. Sorry if this is too long but GP’s and Psychiatrist will only listen to her and I’m exhausted.

Parents

  • it's not too long 

    The suicidal threats do sound like coercive control and whether she's doing it on purpose or not is irrelavant. In my experience all perpetrators of domestic abuse believe they are not responsible. Are GP and psychiatrist fully aware of situation? I'd maybe reach out to local domestic abuse charities and see what they have to say about it too. 

    It sounds like you need a break from the situation. living under that kind of stress will make you ill and then there will be nobody to look after the kids. Can you and kids get away for the weekend?

  • in reply to Monkeyclogs

    Not at minute we can’t, can’t afford to, I’m 46 and covered in psoriasis and have psoriatic Arthritis, both I didn’t have when we met, both have gotten worse where I struggle to stand or use my hands yet I am forced to continue doing it all or it doesn’t get done.

  • in reply to NAS73364

    This all sounds somewhat familiar to me in things ive seen in other people's lives. I can only urge you to contact a domestic abuse charity. They are much better placed to advise. If you disagree with their advice nothing lost but they may be able offer alternatives to your situation.

    fwiw I agree with cinnabar, "autism is not an excuse for what shes doing" and you really need to get out (if not forever then at least for now. I get that its easier said than done but ive never met anyone who has left such a situation that didnt regret doing it sooner.

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  • in reply to NAS73364

    This all sounds somewhat familiar to me in things ive seen in other people's lives. I can only urge you to contact a domestic abuse charity. They are much better placed to advise. If you disagree with their advice nothing lost but they may be able offer alternatives to your situation.

    fwiw I agree with cinnabar, "autism is not an excuse for what shes doing" and you really need to get out (if not forever then at least for now. I get that its easier said than done but ive never met anyone who has left such a situation that didnt regret doing it sooner.

Children