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Intentional misunderstanding?

JAX43

Today i was called out for asking a waitress questions, according to her i do it alot and she asked me if i could not try and speak to her as she is too busy with other customers or the coffee machine is too loud etc etc. I wanted to check if it was my food on the table as there were a few different people around the same table. When i tried to explain she accused me of shouting at her. This put me off my food and i left it, she came over and took my plate before i had chance to process what had just happened. I don't have the option to avoid her in future because the cafe is within the place i volunteer at. Any suggestions how i can resolve this issue?

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  • in reply to kiwipip

       yes that is what happened but the cafe where i was the customer is within an art gallery where i am a volunteer ( the cafe is run by a different company to the gallery though so my manager couldn't reprimand the waitress). Thanks for your feedback, it has really helped me.

  • in reply to Iain

    I do try and leearn from situations, but I can't change other people, I can only change myself and sometimes that means removing myself from the arena of conflift.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    I don't think I'd want to work there anymore either, especially if I was volunteering. Some might see walking away as a cop out, but I don't see the point in sticking around so as I can get more hassle, its not good for anyone.

    I tend to use the philosophy that "those who do not learn from the lessons of the past are doomed to relive them". If you cannot work out how to stop the problems happening then they will just follow you wherever you go.

    I fell prey to this issue in my early career but quickly learned the survival technique of not being a pain to those I work with. When I have a question I think "have I asked this question before" and if so, could I remember the answer or see how to answer it myself. This is a form ot taking the initiative as an autist but as an NT this is considered basic learning and I think it is why people get annoyed at having to constantly answer the same questions when we should have absorbed the previous answer.

    It isn't for every situation. Some you need specific data for (eg which table is this order for) and this is fine to ask, but most of it you are capable of working out from experience and reasoning.

    It makes the difference from being a drag on your colleagues to a boon to the company.

  • in reply to JAX43

    I don't think I'd want to work there anymore either, especially if I was volunteering. Some might see walking away as a cop out, but I don't see the point in sticking around so as I can get more hassle, its not good for anyone.

  • in reply to JAX43

    Hello !

    I was wondering if there are any other volunteers in the team at the moment.

    I’m asking because once, at the place where I volunteer, a girl yelled at me and it really threw me off. I talked it through with the other volunteers afterward — both about what happened and about understanding her personality and background — and they helped me a lot. Thanks to that, I found the courage to come back and continue volunteering. Honestly, I freaked out at first and thought I’d never return, even though she didn’t even remember the incident later on.

    Changing workplaces is really hard for me, but going through that experience actually brought me closer to the others — we became more like work buddies. I really hope things will be okay now, and I’m sorry you had to experience this too.

  • in reply to JAX43

    Oh you work there sorry I thought you were at a restaurant and the waitress was being rude to you in front of customers and when you tried to explain she escalated the situation.