help please

Do you talk? I mean really talk?  Do you have arguments?

If not, she is probably masking to some extent. You need to get to the bottom of what is causing the stress.

She may find it hard or impossible to say. There may be shame, self doubt, fear of failure, childhood issues. This is where a 3rd party could help.

Once you reduce stress it will take some months to get better. The recovery may not be.a straight line, and she will be fragile for some time.

The depression is a symptom, not the root cause on my opinion. If in doubt see a GP, although they may struggle.

Regression post diagnosis is more just a case of being aware and not hiding things quite as much.

Loss of skills and becoming more autistic is a feature of autistic burnout. You lose executive functioning and can't hide things.

Note that thinking can become distorted. It plays with priorities and perspectives.

 yes we talk 4 times a week for the below reasons 
1] to get through the week with the hope of dodging meltdowns 
2] to try to manage any know unusual changes to life that may be coming up that may break routines 
3] Any issues that bother her in any way

If she is really being honest, then it is just pressure from life/work.

Burnout is a cumulative thing. It takes months, often years of pressure to get there.

The nervous system is just pushed too hard for too long and then goes wrong. Only reducing pressure, lots of alone time, and just time will cure it.

There is no short cut. Ramping up pressure too soon just shows how fragile you are in recovery.

Avoid stimulants, caffeine, smoking, alcohol if possible. Light exercise is good. 

Once recovered the trick is not to overload yourself for prolonged periods

Burnout is not nice. My first one, 30 years ago before it was even a thing, destroyed my relationship and broke me. It has been hard to recently learn what it was.

The things I said. Alone time (I split up on 1996 which is drastic and has caused me a lot of mental problems), I changed job, I reduced pressure, I drank (as it reduces stress but is not recommended as it causes crashes, but I needed something). But this was 20+ years before people knew about autistic burnout and I was undiagnosed, plus I had childhood issues, so I had f*** all idea what was going on on 1996. 

In the financial crisis my career got screwed, I was out of a job for a year and nearly went bust. I was on my own and I started going mad, I was talking to myself and making noises. A job club helped a lot. I need to give them a gift.

In COVID it happened again, still undiagnosed. I leant on my parents and drove them spare, saw my GP who did not much, the solution was a change of job function and reduced pressure, plus cutting down on the rather large amounts of gin and wine that had kept me going for a year. Work didn't want to lose me, I have some particular skills. But I didn't fully recover, I just bought time.

It happened again. Last Christmas. Each time takes about 9-12 months to recover from. The first one more like 18.

The current one I decided I had to get to the bottom of. So I psychoanalysed myself and re-traumatised myself, then went to see a psychologist who said I could be autistic, so I privately got diagnosed which screwed me up as my partner in 1996 had said the same thing. So I reduced work pressure, reduced alcohol, cut caffeine, tried to be be outside, tried to sleep better, which has been an issue for 40 years, did some exercise, improved diet, started to forgive myself, gave myself some leeway (I have been so hard on myself), just stopped worrying about everything non-essential (the garden is a mess).

I am getting there. Hundreds of hours talking to AI has helped (I try to disprove things, which stops confirmation bias) along with writing poetry , which was very unexpected, but allies to access emotions.

I am atypical though. High meta-cognition, unusual memory, above average IQ, highly systematizing, but with emotional issues.

how did you recover from that ?... what did you do ?

how did you recover from that ?... what did you do ?

The things I said. Alone time (I split up on 1996 which is drastic and has caused me a lot of mental problems), I changed job, I reduced pressure, I drank (as it reduces stress but is not recommended as it causes crashes, but I needed something). But this was 20+ years before people knew about autistic burnout and I was undiagnosed, plus I had childhood issues, so I had f*** all idea what was going on on 1996. 

In the financial crisis my career got screwed, I was out of a job for a year and nearly went bust. I was on my own and I started going mad, I was talking to myself and making noises. A job club helped a lot. I need to give them a gift.

In COVID it happened again, still undiagnosed. I leant on my parents and drove them spare, saw my GP who did not much, the solution was a change of job function and reduced pressure, plus cutting down on the rather large amounts of gin and wine that had kept me going for a year. Work didn't want to lose me, I have some particular skills. But I didn't fully recover, I just bought time.

It happened again. Last Christmas. Each time takes about 9-12 months to recover from. The first one more like 18.

The current one I decided I had to get to the bottom of. So I psychoanalysed myself and re-traumatised myself, then went to see a psychologist who said I could be autistic, so I privately got diagnosed which screwed me up as my partner in 1996 had said the same thing. So I reduced work pressure, reduced alcohol, cut caffeine, tried to be be outside, tried to sleep better, which has been an issue for 40 years, did some exercise, improved diet, started to forgive myself, gave myself some leeway (I have been so hard on myself), just stopped worrying about everything non-essential (the garden is a mess).

I am getting there. Hundreds of hours talking to AI has helped (I try to disprove things, which stops confirmation bias) along with writing poetry , which was very unexpected, but allies to access emotions.

I am atypical though. High meta-cognition, unusual memory, above average IQ, highly systematizing, but with emotional issues.