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help please

topact1066

Hi after help please

Background my parter has asd , i guess she is what the call a high performing autistic as she can normally work a job
we have been  together for 10 years 
since being diagnosed 2 years  ago the negative stressful parts of asd [shut down/melt down/anxiety/stress] just keep multiplying up. and currently are at least 10 time worse then 2 years ago. She has just had to give up her job.
I do not care about the job as such, just her well being and happiness. But it’s got to the point that nothing helps her any more.

My thoughts are

  1. Asd can be tough – that’s fine we did great at that for at least 6/7 years
  2. Asd burn out has occurred making it all worse – this is super duper tough and I have read no good advice on recovering from this once you read a book or article you end with well its tough and takes time ,6 months / 1 year etc … I really do not call that help
  3. I read today about asd regression and being much worse after diagnosis. Not sure if this is affecting her, or if this is actually a real thing or not ?

Questions [ please give me your thoughts on the below ]

  1. she gets so down in between meltdowns. I am wondering if anti depressants would help to reduce that feeling of worthlessness. I am not looking at them to fix asd i fully understand that is  not a thing. But just to reduce the edge of the depression cycle asd is causing her and hopefull give her a bit more positive up times 
  2. therapy -  we need help but i am untrusting of therpy because every therapist has a unit in there course on  asd that does not mean a lot. And if we do go this route it would need to be therapist with a successful track record of heling adults with asd but i do not know how to assess  that. This may help but  if done wrong could be a major negative.
  3. During her period her melts downs & shut downs [ all ready super high] and general anxiety multiply by at least 10 fold leaving both of us totally exhausted. Has anyone else had this issue and if yes how did they deal with it 
Parents

  • Do you talk? I mean really talk?  Do you have arguments?

    If not, she is probably masking to some extent. You need to get to the bottom of what is causing the stress.

    She may find it hard or impossible to say. There may be shame, self doubt, fear of failure, childhood issues. This is where a 3rd party could help.

    Once you reduce stress it will take some months to get better. The recovery may not be.a straight line, and she will be fragile for some time.

    The depression is a symptom, not the root cause on my opinion. If in doubt see a GP, although they may struggle.

    Regression post diagnosis is more just a case of being aware and not hiding things quite as much.

    Loss of skills and becoming more autistic is a feature of autistic burnout. You lose executive functioning and can't hide things.

    Note that thinking can become distorted. It plays with priorities and perspectives.

  • in reply to Stuart333

     yes we talk 4 times a week for the below reasons 
    1] to get through the week with the hope of dodging meltdowns 
    2] to try to manage any know unusual changes to life that may be coming up that may break routines 
    3] Any issues that bother her in any way

Reply Children
  • in reply to Stuart333

    how did you recover from that ?... what did you do ?

  • in reply to topact1066

    If she is really being honest, then it is just pressure from life/work.

    Burnout is a cumulative thing. It takes months, often years of pressure to get there.

    The nervous system is just pushed too hard for too long and then goes wrong. Only reducing pressure, lots of alone time, and just time will cure it.

    There is no short cut. Ramping up pressure too soon just shows how fragile you are in recovery.

    Avoid stimulants, caffeine, smoking, alcohol if possible. Light exercise is good. 

    Once recovered the trick is not to overload yourself for prolonged periods

    Burnout is not nice. My first one, 30 years ago before it was even a thing, destroyed my relationship and broke me. It has been hard to recently learn what it was.