a game of social dynamics chess

I have this problem.i am over 100 on the CATQ test, I don’t consider my self to be high masking but this is moderate-high and very energy consuming. Extra energy I don’t have to give out. The workplace is designed around what I used to think were called extroverts what I now know to be neurotypical. The problem is so pervasive that any questioning of these flawed systems is viewed as a mutiny. All you can do is stay quiet, even then they (NT) will probably get rid of you. I must have lost 10+ jobs asking very simple questions which could not be answered. If everyone is complicit how can I perform to a high degree? How will others see that a company or team can be performing MUCH better? It’s like working towards nothing, so you have to have some coping mechanisms in order to survive in such environments (under what is technically hostility, sometimes bordering on discrimination). I have had big issues with this every day of my adult life (with people not wanting to employ me, being plain rude to my face, or trying to get rid of me), if I want to work in an office I cannot show my complete identity - which leaves me in a position whereby I am walked over, perceived as weak or stupid or inexperienced. I compare it a bit to playing a game with a smart 5 year old child. They don’t like losing, they move the goalposts if the think they might be wrong. The rely on the support of those around them even if their aims are mindless. Huddle together like they are at a football match. I’m really tired of giving the benefit of the doubt to people who don’t respect people as people. Also seeing that working really is going towards nowhere except for making the wrong people richer. I realised a while ago that simply engaging in the workplace is also putting myself at a disadvantage (in an environment which has been offset).

There is a time and place to say things and also a right and wrong way to do it.

Often problems are known but there are reasons something is done a certain way that you are not aware of. There can be a lot more constraints than you see. Management can keep these from people for a number of reasons. Just calling everyone else stupid gets you fired.

Sometimes the problem is not known but it is not the time or place to say it. Asking smart ass questions that you know can't be answered to make others look bad just makes enemies and gets you fired.

If you want to contribute to improvements, you need to be more discrete. But mostly you need to point out workable solutions, not just problems

Saying something is crap and doesn't work when everyone knows it is not helpful and disruptive. Saying if you had twice the money it would better is not practical. Saying some deadline is BS may be true, but that's how it is.

But suggesting changes that will make things more efficient, productive, faster, easier are well received if thought out and presented properly. Not all changes can be done straight away though, or may cause too much disruption. But if you present solutions you will get a lot more support and respect. People will also work with you and can share reasons why something may not be possible, so you get more information that you didn't know 

I learnt this a long time ago. I still see younger people doing it, pointing problems but they have no solution. The solution is the hard bit.

You sometimes need to build consensus and support too. 

Ultimately though, if people don't agree, you have to accept it. It's their money they can do what they want. The only time I get more involved is if it threatens people's jobs.

I agree yes. I would never deliberately say something to provoke, and realise before I'd said something if that may be the last thing I say (therefore stop myself). For years I think I could do anything on repeat without problems, not so sure I could not. Also because I have fallen off the getting on the train to work for other people wagon (after realising that this is impractical for my life (nothing to do with life'style' -more that I can better manage my time. But I am having trouble finding income being self employed alone now. 

Its almost impossible to earn a living without engaging with people unless you are dealing with cryptocurrency s- something which I morally despise. But i also morally despise the way which new unqualified managers swoop in in the work place and overtake those (often) more capable and qualified to do roles, who may have been there much longer in some cases.

I do also see though that nothing lasts forever, however a task may seem. Its just my own focus and concentration, it requires a specific environment and people around me. Also a specific understanding from them. If people don't communicate or react with me for reasons I do not immediately understand (such as NT communication ettiquette) then this can cause issues. I do agree with all you have said, its very difficult for me now to even find a calm frame of mind tohold everything to gether and apply for a workplace job. Moslty because of the conflcted way those have left me feeling.

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I have been thinking about this for the last few days and wondering if its also a kind of deskilling as I get older, (anyone is welcome to comment on these) I have listed some problem areas - some are obvious but throw up a multitude of isses: 

• How much I can personally manage things at work until it seems like a problem. 
• Maintaining a number of things and behaviours that will regulate my mood and attitude
• Avoiding things/situations which can seriously irritate or unbalance toughts and emotions ( bearing in mind that work people are unavoidable).
• Earning money typically requires human engagement and also engagement with neutypicals. 
• [When looking for work] Without any idea of how to approach finding work now - even when I have done this and had many jobs before. It feels like a type of deskilling memory loss - and those things come less naturally than before. Reframing work becomes progressively harder - when in work also.
• People constantly trying to influence my actions. The spectre of manipulation in the workplace.

pietro_21 said:

I need to relearn the rules of the game

I think the real problem is that we lose patience for these stupid rules and our sense of injustice makes us want to kick back.

This is not good for your career though - low friction and just enough performance is the way to survive in these places. Say nothing much, don't get involved in office politics and try to not upset people if you can and you will last a long, long time.

I'm so glad I became self employed and am semi retired.

Yes the notion carried forward is one that you are working in some sort of meritocracy, but if you believe that then your career will probably not progress. 

'Say nothing you'll live longer' seems to be the motto.

I need to relearn the rules of the game, I realise this now reading these posts over the last week.

pietro_21 said:

In my mind I think I was referring to Public Sector managerial roles where I am see that self preservation is probably predeterminant of behaviours and how they may be interpreted.

I've been there in the public sector and civil service - there is so much of the mindset that they are in a job for life and won't do anything to upset that which includes throwing you under the bus when convenient.

I was in the civil service on a one year fixed term contract replacing one manager and by the time I left I was doing the roles of 4 managers as they all ended up leaving when they found the working environment I introduced showed them up as a waste of space.

The upper management loved it as they could clear out a load of "dead wood", the staff liked it as they got to have management that listened to them and communicated well and it was only the "favourites" of those managers who got all the cushy work who tried the office politics on me.

I don't think I could have done that role long term though, the mindset in those companies is  that which makes you feel dead inside.

Maybe I got away with it as I was not going to be a long term disruption to the organisation and it suited their ends. From what I hear from the staff who stay in touch, it has more or less gone back to the way it was now, so was it really worth the hassle and conflict?

Sometimes it is much less resistance to learn the rules of the game and go along with it and use it just as a way to making money so you can do better things outside of work.

pietro_21 said:

In my mind I think I was referring to Public Sector managerial roles where I am see that self preservation is probably predeterminant of behaviours and how they may be interpreted.

I've been there in the public sector and civil service - there is so much of the mindset that they are in a job for life and won't do anything to upset that which includes throwing you under the bus when convenient.

I was in the civil service on a one year fixed term contract replacing one manager and by the time I left I was doing the roles of 4 managers as they all ended up leaving when they found the working environment I introduced showed them up as a waste of space.

The upper management loved it as they could clear out a load of "dead wood", the staff liked it as they got to have management that listened to them and communicated well and it was only the "favourites" of those managers who got all the cushy work who tried the office politics on me.

I don't think I could have done that role long term though, the mindset in those companies is  that which makes you feel dead inside.

Maybe I got away with it as I was not going to be a long term disruption to the organisation and it suited their ends. From what I hear from the staff who stay in touch, it has more or less gone back to the way it was now, so was it really worth the hassle and conflict?

Sometimes it is much less resistance to learn the rules of the game and go along with it and use it just as a way to making money so you can do better things outside of work.

pietro_21 said:

I need to relearn the rules of the game

I think the real problem is that we lose patience for these stupid rules and our sense of injustice makes us want to kick back.

This is not good for your career though - low friction and just enough performance is the way to survive in these places. Say nothing much, don't get involved in office politics and try to not upset people if you can and you will last a long, long time.

I'm so glad I became self employed and am semi retired.

Yes the notion carried forward is one that you are working in some sort of meritocracy, but if you believe that then your career will probably not progress. 

'Say nothing you'll live longer' seems to be the motto.

I need to relearn the rules of the game, I realise this now reading these posts over the last week.