Holding Out for My Mr. Darcy

I'm sure there is.

The issue is whether you can find him and then whether he's available when you do.

The problem is just meeting people, it gets harder as you get older. Modern life has made it harder still.

Basically the more you socialise the more chance there is. You need to be visible. Work, clubs (as in activities), social events, courses, just being out and about. But I don't think the odds are too high. Otherwise there are apps, but I can't face that, maybe you can, assuming all the people aren't just lying.

I used to have hope luck would smile on me.

But you only need one, not hundreds, so who knows 

Maybe 2026 will bring what you what Santa forgot.

Hi, 

Very kind words, I agree with you.

I know I probably hinder myself by not socialising, but at the same time it’s not easy to socialise when you don’t already have friends. Definitely food for thought.

I can’t really see myself going down the app route. Not to say it hasn’t worked for some people—I’m just not sure it would suit me.

Here’s to 2026… just the one.

It didn’t escape my notice that you said you used to have hope. What happened to it?

I think a lot of us used to have hope, but it dies out bit by bit the longer you are single.  Once you reach 30 years without being in a relationship with someone else, it's heading towards game over.  I did have a girlfriend once upon a time, when I was at school.  I do often wonder if I was less autistic back then, because I somehow managed to get a girlfriend and it lasted for a year.  But as an adult I have continually failed. 

I honestly gave up for the most part after i hit 40 and i'm now at 50, so it's completely unlikely going forward.  Still occasionally I meet people i get on with and wonder somewhere deep in my soul if it's still possible, but I also realise I have had many chances over my life time that i haven't grasped due to fear, social anxiety and generally being unable to talk to another person. I don't bother trying to grasp them as I don't know if I could tolerate any potential rejection.

What I would like is someone who would enjoy walking up a mountain with me and watching the sun come up, or walking across a country just for the sake of adventure.  I doubt I will ever find her, but hey ho, as long as I make life interesting I can get by.

Yes, less autistic is incorrect, but I think I came across less autistic.  I developed what could be seen as a better level of NT camoflauge.  I suppressed probably 95% of my autistic traits, just to survive school.  That may well be the reason I managed to hold it together for so long, well I had to.  Being an emotional wreck at school in the 80's was like asking to be bullied more and don't get me wrong I was getting my head pounded in at breaks a lot because you can hide, but at the end of the day you are still hiding in plain sight and no one does it perfectly, so i was still different, just less different, less of a weirdo.  Some others got it far worse.  I realise my girlfriend at the time and some of my other friends were also part of the ND community, so we .  I also had friends that understood and offered some protection from it.  But one day it just fell apart and that was the end of me in that school (and I kind of fell out of the education system shortly after) and with it went the girlfriend, I guess I reached snap point, but there were limits on being a chameleon back then and my home life was just one big meltdown (not a bad childhood, but I was a complete mess throughout it). 

So nowadays I go walking a lot, mostly long distance.  That's my sanity activity.  Grab some gear and just climb a mountain or walk across a country.  I meet many people while doing it, some I click with, but nothing has ever come from it, but it's social contact so i can be happy for a short time and maybe have a deep conversation once in a while.  I've learned to be happy with what I can get, even if it's only a small portion of what I would like. 

The last couple of years, I started learning new languages so I might be able to converse with more people, maybe increase my chances. But also make new friends.

Yes, less autistic is incorrect, but I think I came across less autistic.  I developed what could be seen as a better level of NT camoflauge.  I suppressed probably 95% of my autistic traits, just to survive school.  That may well be the reason I managed to hold it together for so long, well I had to.  Being an emotional wreck at school in the 80's was like asking to be bullied more and don't get me wrong I was getting my head pounded in at breaks a lot because you can hide, but at the end of the day you are still hiding in plain sight and no one does it perfectly, so i was still different, just less different, less of a weirdo.  Some others got it far worse.  I realise my girlfriend at the time and some of my other friends were also part of the ND community, so we .  I also had friends that understood and offered some protection from it.  But one day it just fell apart and that was the end of me in that school (and I kind of fell out of the education system shortly after) and with it went the girlfriend, I guess I reached snap point, but there were limits on being a chameleon back then and my home life was just one big meltdown (not a bad childhood, but I was a complete mess throughout it). 

So nowadays I go walking a lot, mostly long distance.  That's my sanity activity.  Grab some gear and just climb a mountain or walk across a country.  I meet many people while doing it, some I click with, but nothing has ever come from it, but it's social contact so i can be happy for a short time and maybe have a deep conversation once in a while.  I've learned to be happy with what I can get, even if it's only a small portion of what I would like. 

The last couple of years, I started learning new languages so I might be able to converse with more people, maybe increase my chances. But also make new friends.