Holding Out for My Mr. Darcy

I'm sure there is.

The issue is whether you can find him and then whether he's available when you do.

The problem is just meeting people, it gets harder as you get older. Modern life has made it harder still.

Basically the more you socialise the more chance there is. You need to be visible. Work, clubs (as in activities), social events, courses, just being out and about. But I don't think the odds are too high. Otherwise there are apps, but I can't face that, maybe you can, assuming all the people aren't just lying.

I used to have hope luck would smile on me.

But you only need one, not hundreds, so who knows 

Maybe 2026 will bring what you what Santa forgot.

Hi, 

Very kind words, I agree with you.

I know I probably hinder myself by not socialising, but at the same time it’s not easy to socialise when you don’t already have friends. Definitely food for thought.

I can’t really see myself going down the app route. Not to say it hasn’t worked for some people—I’m just not sure it would suit me.

Here’s to 2026… just the one.

It didn’t escape my notice that you said you used to have hope. What happened to it?

I think a lot of us used to have hope, but it dies out bit by bit the longer you are single.  Once you reach 30 years without being in a relationship with someone else, it's heading towards game over.  I did have a girlfriend once upon a time, when I was at school.  I do often wonder if I was less autistic back then, because I somehow managed to get a girlfriend and it lasted for a year.  But as an adult I have continually failed. 

I honestly gave up for the most part after i hit 40 and i'm now at 50, so it's completely unlikely going forward.  Still occasionally I meet people i get on with and wonder somewhere deep in my soul if it's still possible, but I also realise I have had many chances over my life time that i haven't grasped due to fear, social anxiety and generally being unable to talk to another person. I don't bother trying to grasp them as I don't know if I could tolerate any potential rejection.

What I would like is someone who would enjoy walking up a mountain with me and watching the sun come up, or walking across a country just for the sake of adventure.  I doubt I will ever find her, but hey ho, as long as I make life interesting I can get by.

I think a lot of us used to have hope, but it dies out bit by bit the longer you are single.  Once you reach 30 years without being in a relationship with someone else, it's heading towards game over.  I did have a girlfriend once upon a time, when I was at school.  I do often wonder if I was less autistic back then, because I somehow managed to get a girlfriend and it lasted for a year.  But as an adult I have continually failed. 

I honestly gave up for the most part after i hit 40 and i'm now at 50, so it's completely unlikely going forward.  Still occasionally I meet people i get on with and wonder somewhere deep in my soul if it's still possible, but I also realise I have had many chances over my life time that i haven't grasped due to fear, social anxiety and generally being unable to talk to another person. I don't bother trying to grasp them as I don't know if I could tolerate any potential rejection.

What I would like is someone who would enjoy walking up a mountain with me and watching the sun come up, or walking across a country just for the sake of adventure.  I doubt I will ever find her, but hey ho, as long as I make life interesting I can get by.

Thank you for sharing this so honestly. What you’ve written will resonate with a lot of people here, that slow erosion of hope, the fear of rejection, and the way chances can feel clearer only in hindsight.

I want to gently push back on one thing, though, if that’s okay. You weren’t “less autistic” back then. You were younger, in a different environment, with fewer accumulated hurts and fears. Autism doesn’t fade in and out but confidence, safety, and capacity absolutely do.

It makes a lot of sense that after years of anxiety and rejection, protecting yourself by not trying feels safer. That isn’t failure, it’s self-preservation. And it’s also understandable to still feel that quiet pull when you meet someone and imagine what might have been possible under different conditions.

What you describe wanting, shared adventure, movement, nature, watching the world wake up, says something really lovely about you. Even if that connection hasn’t happened in the way you hoped, that part of you is still alive and meaningful.

I don’t think it’s “game over,” but I also respect how tired you are. Making life interesting, finding moments of beauty and meaning, is not giving up, it’s choosing to keep living in a way that feels real to you.

I’m really glad you shared this here. You’re not alone in feeling this way, even when it feels deeply personal.