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Holding Out for My Mr. Darcy

NeurodivergentMind

I stand by my hopes, but I always appreciate hearing other people’s thoughts.


Do you think I’m naïve to believe there’s a “Mr. Darcy” out there?


I love a rom-com, but I’m realistic, I’m simply looking for a man with depth, respect, emotional intelligence, a capacity for growth, and a genuine desire for real partnership.

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  • I don’t think you’re naïve for wanting depth, respect, emotional intelligence, and real partnership. Those are reasonable hopes. I do think it helps to separate those values from the “Mr Darcy” or ultra wealthy, though — the qualities you’re looking for can exist without the fairytale framing If that’s what you meant by Mr Darcy (I haven’t heard of him before and had to research) so happy to be educated here :) 

    for me, I met my wife and we weren’t really that compatible at first, but as time went on, we learned to navigate and respect each other and appreciate what we offer. I guess what I’m saying is that you at meet someone who doesn’t initially strike you as the person you’re holding out for, but over time, you see qualities in them that you value and they become your Mr Darcy the more you learn and appreciate them. The disappointment I think would come from comparing a fictional character to a real person and being disappointed they aren’t that. 

  • in reply to Deleted user

    how long have you been married for and do you have children? Is your wife also ND and do you think this helps? 

  • in reply to InterTrails

    I’ve been married for almost 7 years now and together for almost 16. I have a 3 year old son. My wife isn’t ND that we know of, but she doesn’t seem to ‘get it’ and struggles to understand my viewpoint a lot of the time. It can be difficult at times for both of us as I can still feel misunderstood and not seen but it’s work in progress like any relationship. Having my son was difficult in the beginning but now it’s the most amazing thing. He gives me so much joy - it also helps he’s extremely cheeky and funny. 

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  • in reply to InterTrails

    I’ve been married for almost 7 years now and together for almost 16. I have a 3 year old son. My wife isn’t ND that we know of, but she doesn’t seem to ‘get it’ and struggles to understand my viewpoint a lot of the time. It can be difficult at times for both of us as I can still feel misunderstood and not seen but it’s work in progress like any relationship. Having my son was difficult in the beginning but now it’s the most amazing thing. He gives me so much joy - it also helps he’s extremely cheeky and funny. 

Children
  • in reply to Deleted user

    I think you’re right about wanting depth, emotional intelligence and a real partnership that’s the goal and I don’t think you get that by looking for mr Darcy…. I never looked for anybody but always preferred somebody I could talk to, and intellectual. But you also don’t get that by choosing a person who is obsessed with you  - they just abandon you when you need them and the next obsession comes along