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Finding it hard to understand friendships with neurotypical individuals

Lozza

I am an Autistic adult who is constantly finding it hard to understand why it’s hard to communicate with friends over things. I either overthink or over explain and I was wondering if anyone else had any thoughts on this or experiences to share in regards a to how they navigate friendships with others who are neurotypical while being Autistic?

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Oh I 100% get this too! I’ll try to be invested but sometimes I just can’t focus on stuff that holds nothing in terms of my attention or interest 

  • in reply to Martin

    Okay I shall try to learn a bit by whatchung how some of my friends interact more and trying to do it in a way that isn’t exhausting for me.

  • in reply to Stuart333

     The only issue I have seen with this method is I sometimes have interactions where I ask for clarity and it turns into my fiends telling me I need stop needing reassurance which is slightly confusing to me since it is like second nature to ask for clarification. 

  • in reply to soboiceland

    I have started to try this. I have had a few less than pleasant experiences this year where my communication style was heavily criticised or misunderstood due to a meltdown that was triggered. 

    I’m trying to be more active in finding people who do understand.

  • For me its not what I say or how I say it, but the subjects they discuss are ones I have no interest in, like soap operas, and social media, I just stay quiet and don't join in, mostly they don't notice, they think I'm weird for not likling those things, so we mostly just talk about our dogs.

  • To interact successfully with allistics, who are in the vast majority, observe and copy. I have been doing this all my life, more or less successfully. While some allistics can and are willing to adapt to the communication style of a particular autistic person, it is rare. It is usually up to the autistic person to adapt and blend in with societal norms. It is not ideal, but, as a pragmatist, I accept it as the way things are.

  • Is it causing a problem? They may accept that you over explain. If it is a problem, then just go to the answer or last line, say that and see if anyone queries it or asks why. Then you can explain how you got there. I no one says anything then they don't need the reasoning and just accept your answer. You could mix it up a bit, so you can give some short, medium and longer answers. Then see what works and get more comfortable. Follow people's cues, if they look confused or change the subject they might not have got your point, so add some more.

    The over thinking is on you. You could take things less seriously. Or just assume people mean what they say, but if in doubt just ask at the time. You just need to watch out for jokes and and sarcasm, but you can ask if you are not sure. Just make it simple for yourself, don't try and guess all the time.

  • To navigate this, I would set realistic expectations, know my limits, overcome the language barrier, and find friends who adapt to my communication style.