About a week ago my wife booked a Thai restaurant for a Christmas meal, the table was booked for four people, it’s well known that I really dislike eating out and struggle with it.
Anyway as the date got nearer the thought of it all was occupying my mind constantly, yesterday led to me becoming very distant and not talking much. My mind reads it as, “we know you struggle eating out, but we have booked this and don’t ruin it.” I also felt that I was more the driver as the only person not drinking alcohol.
We arrived at the restaurant, it was very busy and noisy, it’s a pub with a Thai restaurant attached, the amount of conversations going on at once was unbearable, it was hot and there I sat not saying more than 4 words all night, it felt like a film where I’m frozen in time and watching everyone else act as normal.I managed to get away at the end to go and warm the car up.
One of the reasons I went for an autism assessment was because different family members said I shouldn’t say I’m autistic as I hadn’t been diagnosed with it, obviously I know this attitude is wrong. I now have a diagnosis and still don’t get treated any better.
Last night left me totally overwhelmed, today I just feel dysregulated and totally exhausted. Sorry for the vent, I just have nobody outside of this community who would even try to understand.
