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In the wake of overwhelm.

Roy

About a week ago my wife booked a Thai restaurant for a Christmas meal, the table was booked for four people, it’s well known that I really dislike eating out and struggle with it.
Anyway as the date got nearer the thought of it all was occupying my mind constantly, yesterday led to me becoming very distant and not talking much. My mind reads it as, “we know you struggle eating out,  but we have booked this and don’t ruin it.” I also felt that I was more the driver as the only person not drinking alcohol.

We arrived at the restaurant, it was very busy and noisy, it’s a pub with a Thai restaurant attached, the amount of conversations going on at once was unbearable, it was hot and there I sat not saying more than 4 words all night, it felt like a film where I’m frozen in time and watching everyone else act as normal.I managed to get away at the end to go and warm the car up. 
One of the reasons I went for an autism assessment was because different family members said I shouldn’t say I’m autistic as I hadn’t been diagnosed with it, obviously I know this attitude is wrong. I now have a diagnosis and still don’t get treated any better.

Last night left me totally overwhelmed, today I just feel dysregulated and totally exhausted. Sorry for the vent, I just have nobody outside of this community who would even try to understand.

  • Thank you all for your kind and helpful responses, ‘ feeling tolerated’ is very accurate. I’ve slept for longer than I can remember, I was totally exhausted.

    No plans for New Year’s Eve, I’m hoping to just spend the night with Jools Holland on the TV and my newly discovered hot chocolate brand, this will have marshmallows, cream and sprinkles! 

  • in reply to Quiltingspace
    Quiltingspace said:
    The amount of times ive heard " come on you'll enjoy it " makes me want to scream. Going out to noisy, busy, closed in places is always a trauma and affects the days before, in worrying thoughts and working through scenarios and then sheer mental exhaustion afterwards and i find it never gets any easier.

    I’ll scream with you. I am so tired of such comments and the complete lack of understanding. What makes it even worse are the comments on my behaviour the days before and after the event, because apparently that is «too much». 

  • So sorry you had to go through that, sounds truly awful and I know the lack of understanding from people around you makes it even worse. 

    Roy said:
    Anyway as the date got nearer the thought of it all was occupying my mind constantly, yesterday led to me becoming very distant and not talking much.

    I would 100% be like this too, only to be drowned in «what’s wrong». If I don’t say whats wrong, the question will continue until I do. When I say what’s wrong, «I’m stressed about about tomorrow and am just trying to cope», I am sure to be met with «just chill», «relax», «it’s gonna be ok», «it’s gonna be fun». That just makes it way worse. Not only do they take zero consideration when dragging me to such things, but they can’t even «allow» me to have my natural reaction to it. No. It is not going to be ok. It is going to be stressful the day(s) before, the day of, and the day(s) after. No amount of «chill» is gonna change that, or will ever. I do not control this reaction. It makes me so sad and angry. 

    Roy said:
    One of the reasons I went for an autism assessment was because different family members said I shouldn’t say I’m autistic as I hadn’t been diagnosed with it, obviously I know this attitude is wrong. I now have a diagnosis and still don’t get treated any better.

    I’m so sorry to hear this, and sadly I can relate. It is so incredibly painful. Just a basic understanding from those close to you, it really can not be too much to ask. 

  • I am sorry you had this experience. I would have hated it too. Hopefully it was noted that you found it difficult. I hope you are able to relax in Cornwall.

  • Roy

    I toally get you, although my family say they understand me, I spend my time feeling tollerated and that really they are hoping I will just stop going on about my feelings. 

    The amount of times ive heard " come on you'll enjoy it " makes me want to scream. Going out to noisy, busy, closed in places is always a trauma and affects the days before, in worrying thoughts and working through scenarios and then sheer mental exhaustion afterwards and i find it never gets any easier.

    Hope you have a good day today and can find space for calm, quietness.

    PS. I dont think your attitude is wrong.

  • There are time when Hell is, indeed, other people!

    Fortunately, I always was a lone wolf whenever venturing. Though, I learned lessons; along the way. I grew, in stature.

    Having a Thai Restaurant attached to a Pub sounds bizarre, to me. I'm from Rural Ireland, where Bars are strictly for drinking. For Pub Grub, you would require a Bar in Belfast; or a satellite town of Belfast, such as Downpatrick. It would be a culture shock for me.

    Overwhelm sucks. You feel that the whole world's pointing at you. Reminds me, a bit, of the lyrics of 'Hazard' by Richard Marx.

  • Roy said:
    I now have a diagnosis and still don’t get treated any better.

    I'm sorry to hear this Roy.

    It's hard slotting into a world where people enjoy the things we find torture.

    I hope that you have time to recover and some peace and quiet.