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Disassociating & feeling numb

Reddragon84

I feel numb, I feel nothing - Its Christmas Eve and for the first time ever I feel NOTHING but numbness - thanks to my therapist yesterday I now know that Ive been "disassociating" badly - and have been for 2 months now - a mixture of overwhelming stress and still grieving my Dog - I feel indifferent to everything - It keeps making me feel that nobody else is "real" - I keep going driving on my own and "zoning out"  Did I hit anybody? Did I go through red lights? - Ive been on "auto pilot" since before Halloween - My therapist told me that Ive actually "checked out" from reality through overwhelming stress & grief that my Autistic brain cant cope with. - in town yesterday nobody felt "real", I felt I was walking among thousands of "ghosts" - Therapist said disassociation either feels like your surroundings arent "real" or that other people arent "real" or a mixture of both. For 2 months now Ive felt like this - I need to get "back" somehow. :/

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  • I know this feeling from my past. Now it's not so intense, but I still tend to daydream a lot or dissociate.  I think it's my coping mechanism for overwhelm and stress. If it's a loud and chaotic environment and I do my best to not dissociate,  I basically feel horrible stress because of how much is going on around me. Sometimes even through the zoning state I still get sudden panic without any obvious reason. 

    It's often someone talking to me and I react with delay or I react to some situation with delay. I also experience my inner voice so intense,  that I myself doubt if it's only in my head or did I actually say it out loud and I get anxious that others hear my thoughts. 

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    I've done that before; wondered if I said it or just thought it.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    I still don't know how to stay in the real world. But at least now I don't come back home bare feet or in someone else's jacket and I don't put my slippers to the fridge. These are examples that still keep entertaining my family members whenever they recall it. For me it was stressful and embarrassing but I failed to show the emotions so they assume I'm fine with it.

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  • in reply to Stuart333

    I still don't know how to stay in the real world. But at least now I don't come back home bare feet or in someone else's jacket and I don't put my slippers to the fridge. These are examples that still keep entertaining my family members whenever they recall it. For me it was stressful and embarrassing but I failed to show the emotions so they assume I'm fine with it.

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