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Disassociating & feeling numb

Reddragon84

I feel numb, I feel nothing - Its Christmas Eve and for the first time ever I feel NOTHING but numbness - thanks to my therapist yesterday I now know that Ive been "disassociating" badly - and have been for 2 months now - a mixture of overwhelming stress and still grieving my Dog - I feel indifferent to everything - It keeps making me feel that nobody else is "real" - I keep going driving on my own and "zoning out"  Did I hit anybody? Did I go through red lights? - Ive been on "auto pilot" since before Halloween - My therapist told me that Ive actually "checked out" from reality through overwhelming stress & grief that my Autistic brain cant cope with. - in town yesterday nobody felt "real", I felt I was walking among thousands of "ghosts" - Therapist said disassociation either feels like your surroundings arent "real" or that other people arent "real" or a mixture of both. For 2 months now Ive felt like this - I need to get "back" somehow. :/

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  • I disassociated during my assessment. The stress just got too much for me and it was like someone kicked my reset button and I restarted in Windows safe mode with all the emotional turmoil just wiped away like clearing out RAM. (Sorry for all the computer similies). 

    As mine wasn't triggered by something as major as yours, I didn't stay like that for long. I was still trying to talk through the assessment even though I was only half there, but then he hadn't heard of Studio Ghibli, and that startled me out of it as I had to explain. Talking about special interests are often when we feel most alive.

    But I can see yours was your 4 legged friend and that is painful. You might need your grief to come out? Can you look at grief recommendations? (doesn't matter that it is a canine friend rather than human, the grief is real)

    And don't punish yourself for comparing this Christmas to other ones. Allow yourself to acknowledge this one is different, light a candle/ write a eulogy/create a photo board, what ever you need to and remember your best times, as that was real.

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thank you.  I hope you & your family have a very Merry Christmas x

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