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Too much

Expecto_Patronum

I'm sorry for a negative post but I just feel like I need to off load a bit. Feeling a bit down and overwhelmed today.

I went for an appointment this morning. I felt quite heightened and was finding the waiting room a bit much as it was quite busy. Got called through for the preliminary part of my appointment. They took me to a different room than usual which threw me off a little. Went back to the waiting room. Then got called again. Was a bit confused as it was the same person. My confusion was right as he then told me my appointment has been cancelled (20 minutes after it was supposed to have started). The person had called in sick - I know this can't be helped but surely they should have this information before appointments are due to start. There was then a big conversation between this guy and the receptionist about rebooking the appointment whilst I'm just stood there. Eventually she said that they would let me know so I don't even have a solid solution. I left trying not to cry. I know these things are a part of life but I find it so difficult.

Not helped by a difficult week. Found out I'd been getting some social stuff wrong at work for a while but I hadn't been told so I didn't know there was an issue. I got quite upset about it which they did seem understanding about but as we were stopping for Christmas, it can't be dealt with until January and I'm now stuck in a loop going round and round about it. I obviously don't want to have a negative impact on others but I'm also not doing that intentionally so I'm worried about how it is going to be resolved.

I'm also worried about Christmas. It's going to be different this year and a lot more people. Neither of these are things I do well with. I really need to get everything sorted but I'm struggling with the motivation.

I think my mood has been quite low recently which isn't helping any of these things. It's put me in a bit of a slump that I'm struggling to get out of. Right now I'm just having a bit of a "I really hate autism" moment.

Parents

  • I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so wretched, the cancelled appt seems to have been really confusing, I'm guessing it was an early morning one? The work thing, I can understand why thats going round in your mind, it would mine too, can you tell yourself that theres nothing you can do about it right now and it can wait and you don;t have to think about it?

    A big xmas can be really good, but it can also be really overwhelming, can you ask whoever's hosting is theres a quiet space you can go to for a few minutes when you feel overwhelmed? I'm really looking forward to having a big family xmas with a table full of people, but I was also relieved when I heard they'll all be gone on the 27th. It's really weird, I wanted this, I organised it all, I've done loads of prep and cooking for it and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed already.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    It was 9am. It seemed the receptionists were not told of the absence until after this time. I would have thought their policy would involve staff calling in sickness much earlier than this so it seems a little poor to me.

    I'm trying to tell myself there's nothing I can do and that there will be support to sort it out but my brain keeps circling back and I tend to default to worst case scenario. I'm hoping that although I'm anxious about Christmas, it will be a distraction and hopefully break the loop at least temporarily. Although on the flip side of that, I really struggle with New Year

    My difficulty with the big Christmas is that there will be quite a few people that I do not know very well and a couple that I do not know at all. This is uncomfortable for me. It's also not the same person hosting Christmas as usual so I don't know what order things will happen in etc. I may be able to retreat a little when overwhelmed but I know my mum will interpret this as rude. She doesn't really understand.

  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    Maybe some time spent in the toilet could be your new best friend? A bit of diplomatic tummy trouble, lol.

    I do a lot of over thinking too with situations like your's, it could be that the person you were supposed to be meeting fell down the stairs or something and couldn't call earlier or had an emergency appt themselves? 

    I'm not a fan of New Year either and haven't been since a teenager, when I was younger xmas was spent with families and friends at New Year, now I just can't wait for everything to get back to normal.

  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    I heard on the radio the other day that farmers used to start their "new year" in spring.  Makes more sense to me to do so.  From a perspective physiologically about daylight and stuff that makes sense to start it at winter solstice.  In respect of regeneration of plant growth then early spring.  Every moment is the start of another journey around the sun.  So when thought about that way there are an infinite number of opportunities to start afresh. 

    Agreed the internal and external inertia to start again can confound this - so starting in small ways might be wise to start with.  ( I write knowing how flipping hard this can be)

    If you're worried about whether they'll rebook then maybe you could do something to shift the odds to ensure that will happen.  E-mail a quick summary of what happened requesting response etc blaming whatever you like for why this is necessary...  Do this and mark it off as having been done with a date for when you'll chase it up maybe?

    Hehe the probably like me you'll move on to something else to get "head stuck" on...

    maybe if the likes of you and I keep practicing that sort of thing we might get less "head stuck"?

    best wishes

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  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    I heard on the radio the other day that farmers used to start their "new year" in spring.  Makes more sense to me to do so.  From a perspective physiologically about daylight and stuff that makes sense to start it at winter solstice.  In respect of regeneration of plant growth then early spring.  Every moment is the start of another journey around the sun.  So when thought about that way there are an infinite number of opportunities to start afresh. 

    Agreed the internal and external inertia to start again can confound this - so starting in small ways might be wise to start with.  ( I write knowing how flipping hard this can be)

    If you're worried about whether they'll rebook then maybe you could do something to shift the odds to ensure that will happen.  E-mail a quick summary of what happened requesting response etc blaming whatever you like for why this is necessary...  Do this and mark it off as having been done with a date for when you'll chase it up maybe?

    Hehe the probably like me you'll move on to something else to get "head stuck" on...

    maybe if the likes of you and I keep practicing that sort of thing we might get less "head stuck"?

    best wishes

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