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friendship rules and gingerbread

Ma.ra.

Dear All,

Soon Merry Christmas to You all, but before please let me ask for your support and opinions! Pray tone1  as a recently late-diagnosed woman (42) I’ve read that for me it is difficult to understand the rules of friendship and that sometimes I realize that I can talk outside of social norms. For me, somehow some taboos are not. But I wish to have friends. I’ve also read that it is a major breakthrough in autism to have good friendships, and that I, with ASD, sometimes ask too much from a friend (that was written too). I wanna evolve!

So here I am asking you about rules. On Monday, with a female and very new friend, we will make gingerbread at her home, and I thought let’s concentrate on this scenario. So my rules:

  1. Kind and honest gift for my friend. Being attentive about her and her husband’s flat.
  2. Asking about how her last week was, how her family is.
  3. Not telling her I got recently diagnosed, because it is a very fresh “get to know each other” connection. ( it is gonna be hard Disappointed)
  4. When we talk about men, I have to form smoother visions about relationships, sex and marriage. She is married and it is important not to criticise her marriage with my too bold visions and opinions. Understaning the concept of taboos.
  5. Trying to stay myself somehow and to have fun! Keeping it light! 
  6. Preparing how and when to say goodby not to have a shutdown. 
  7. Remembering if and when I make mistakes, I can ask her to talk it through and variate my manners and make it better!

    How is the list? What do you think? Do you know some articles about this? And thanks you all!!!Evergreen treeTwo hearts
Parents

  • If it is a new friend you don't need to take a gift. The point of friendship is to want to spend time together. The gift of your time should be enough. If you really want to take something it must be small and cheap.

    As well as asking how her week was, be prepared to share the same about yourself. I am bad at this. I ask lots about other people but then share little about myself. So I know who they are but they don't know who I am. This is one sided. So think about how you would answer the same questions so you are not caught off guard.

    If you talk about relationships you can mention your position. It is also valid. But just accept other people may have different views. People have different lifestyles. It isn't about right and wrong, it's about what works for each person.

    Try not to get stuck on one topic for too long, unless they also really want to talk about it. You can always talk about it again in the future, there is no need to cover everything in one meeting.

    Mostly don't take yourself too seriously. This is the hard part. It also means don't overthink everything.

    For the end you could just agree a time when you will finish, then at 4pm or whatever, you can just say it is is time to leave. Say thank you for the time, get your gingerbread and say goodbye. Having a plan can make it easier. You can be a bit flexible.

    Good luck.

Reply

  • If it is a new friend you don't need to take a gift. The point of friendship is to want to spend time together. The gift of your time should be enough. If you really want to take something it must be small and cheap.

    As well as asking how her week was, be prepared to share the same about yourself. I am bad at this. I ask lots about other people but then share little about myself. So I know who they are but they don't know who I am. This is one sided. So think about how you would answer the same questions so you are not caught off guard.

    If you talk about relationships you can mention your position. It is also valid. But just accept other people may have different views. People have different lifestyles. It isn't about right and wrong, it's about what works for each person.

    Try not to get stuck on one topic for too long, unless they also really want to talk about it. You can always talk about it again in the future, there is no need to cover everything in one meeting.

    Mostly don't take yourself too seriously. This is the hard part. It also means don't overthink everything.

    For the end you could just agree a time when you will finish, then at 4pm or whatever, you can just say it is is time to leave. Say thank you for the time, get your gingerbread and say goodbye. Having a plan can make it easier. You can be a bit flexible.

    Good luck.

Children
  • in reply to Stuart333
    Stuart333 said:
    The point of friendship is to want to spend time together.

    This is very calming!!!

    Stuart333 said:
    It isn't about right and wrong, it's about what works for each person.

    Noted!!!!

    Stuart333 said:
    Try not to get stuck on one topic for too long

    I’m bad at this, but I’ll make a cute little list in secret! I feel awkward about it, but I need structure and practice. With the help here in the community, I’ll try to let go of this shame…woozy face

    Stuart333 said:
    Mostly don't take yourself too seriously.

    This new friend is very good to take the edge of my seriousness! It is very hard to do it alone but maybe with time!

    Stuart333 said:
    get your gingerbread and say goodbye

    This phrase made me smile!!! Relievedfinally it seems easier! Many many thanks  !!!