Acceptance?

I've wondered about that - I try to be me for the best part but l, well, truth be told I've masked for years.

It's probably an odd mask though - I had a slightly wayward youth so it's all tied in to weird 90's pub/club/football types who probably weren't the cool crowd I thought they were in my early days.

I'm also what's probably best described as a bit of a nob, not in a nasty way, but my humour is dark, I'm stupidly honest and have to do a load of stuff that I don't want to be doing as I'm always surrounded by people... and I feel very much threatened by that for various reasons (long way of saying I'm grumpy!). 

It all adds up to me not really fitting anywhere, unless I'm with the handful of people that knew me way back and knows where I've come from, and that I probably don't fit where I am now. 

Whatever though, I've never felt I fitted in anywhere so it's no surprise I still don't, and if/when I feel well the life I've created is great. I just need to keep on top of feeling well...

Thanks for your words.its good to be different.  I have never doubted my abilities when focused. It’s just been that others have often misonterpreted my intent, personality or read into things I haven’t said. I’m discovering  parts of my life I was wrongly signposted and deliberately or otherwise or obstructed by others I never let that bother me because all things find their true course. I am campaigning to have workplace laws changed. 

That's interesting, thanks - I suppose part of the reason I'm here and asking stuff is that I'm hoping to find (more - I've already gained a lot just lurking) things that may help and/or resonate. 

I've made a lot of changes to my life over the years, some more helpful than others but ultimately seem to always end up at the same point, which I'm guessing is burnout related. But yes, unraveling - it's been useful to get a better understanding about what and why, and just getting told I should consider myself as autistic by a psyc. was a positive step forwards (it was an I can't officially diagnose but you're nailed on sort of thing).  

On another note I really should consider my job, since while rewarding at times it's definitely not particularly ASD friendly and is pretty front facing communication wise and stressful, which doesn't help.  

Anyhow, appreciate the input, thanks. 

An hour away? Phew, that’s far away. Hopefully you can find something online or closer, because that’s quite a ways for what is likely a much shorter meeting than the drive.

That’s good to hear that your partner is on board. 

Anotherandy said:

I seem to be becoming more so more recently

Now that’s something I’ve been hearing more often on here. It appears it’s a common occurrence that when you figure out you have Autism the signs become stronger. I think part of that is the process of “unmasking,” your mind is becoming more aware of how it naturally processes without needing (or perhaps wanting?) to adjust to neurotypical standards.

It fits well for me too funnily enough - I've done a fair bit of further research and discovered that many of my quirks link to ASD. Some I had no idea about - so I guess that's helped with my acceptance. 

Going private is something I've considered, though I'm so far down the list now I'm not sure it's worth not continuing to wait. 

And anxiety. Yes. Very much so - had a diagnosis of GAD here some time back which I'm currently medicated because of. I try very hard not to be though it's peaks and troughs as you'll know. When it gets completely unmanageable I have to take that action. 

I suppose what I've found particularly confusing is that I've been picked up about other things over the years too along with anxiety and depression, so the waters become muddier. If I'm honest, all of what I am links best to autism, I just can't seem to get over the "I'm autistic" hurdle. I guess I'm pretty sure, but the diagnosis itself would erase all doubt. 

Thanks for that - I've toyed with doing some talk stuff post diagnosis and potentially pre, though finding things relatively close by has proven difficult. That said, if I pushed myself there's at least one within an hour or so of me. 

Partner wise mine is very much on board in that it was not a surprise to her. She's a little frustrated occasionally that I seem to be becoming more so more recently, but not in a negative way - she's very supportive. It all ties in with how my mental health is, which is very much linked to my probable ASD. 

hi anotherandy,

I'd like to be able to tell you that the autism assessment will resolve all this but whilst its helpful, realistically it might not immediately help. Like you, I had a lot of mental health issues misdiagnosed first, so the asd diagnosis has helped start the process of unravelling that. I'm actually finding that the most useful thing is finding out how other Autistics handle things that ive always struggled with and trying them out. It's much more confirming when those things work for me than the diagnosis itself was.

After being alerted to the possibility of me being autistic, I researched adult autism traits in a maniacal blitz. I came to the definite conclusion that autism was the best explanation of why I was the way I am. However, I also felt a compelling need for this conclusion to be validated. I therefore paid for an autism assessment for myself and my daughter. I was told that I would be getting an ASD diagnosis only 30 minutes into the assessment. I was then diagnosed with two related anxiety disorders.

Good morning from America Anotherandy!

For me, personally, yes, getting the diagnosis helped with that issue. The biggest reason is because my wife was not accepting of it until I got my diagnosis, so that fed my self-doubt.

However, there are plenty of people on here that are not officially diagnosed, but rather self-diagnosed. If you believe that you have Autism, then chances are that you do.

One big advice I have for you accepting yourself is consider therapy! It’s not for everyone, but it is very helpful for post diagnosis in particular. Just make sure you get yourself an Autism friendly therapist. I once had an Autism specialized art therapist and it was fantastic (though she was used to younger clients, she was willing to learn more about adult Autism along with me).

I realise this is probably way down the list of recent posts as it took a while to be approved (weekend, holidays etc- I get it and am not moaning) so I'm posting this to bump it up in case it falls away to nothing - if really value any insight. 

(Thanks also for responses to other posts I've read here, including a link to the free how to be autistic book I found a helpful and easy read)