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Family and Autism Diagnosis

Ems

Hi. As Christmas is coming round I’m sure a lot of us will be seeing family. However some of my family members don’t know that I’m autistic as I was only diagnosed a year ago, and prior to that I had been working. But since being diagnosed I’ve been deemed unfit for work for the near future. Everytime I see these certain family members they ask if I have a job and how’s it going etc (and more small talk nonsense), and obviously this year I don’t have a job and not sure how to tell them that it’s because of my autism. I’m not sure how well they’ll understand or even know about autism other than the stereotypes and I hate confrontation and having to explain things and talk about myself. But I don’t want to lie to them. It’s been making me really anxious thinking about what I’m going to say to them. Does anyone have any advice? Or should I just exaggerate the truth and say I’m looking for jobs still and avoid having to tell them?

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thank you both for this, I don’t think I’m going to tell them yet about my diagnosis so I’ll definitely go for something along these lines 

  • Hi EMS, I really hear what you’re saying that pressure to explain things honestly without upsetting anyone is something I’ve felt too. It’s not easy, especially when family might not fully understand autism.  My family also has difficulities understanding autism when I talk to them about it but I frame it in this way as I'm yet to be fully diagnosed as yet and currently on a waiting list to be assessed I just simply tell them that I am Jayson and I am someone who has self recognised that I have symptons that are relatable to autism but to them I still the old jayson thay have always known, another thing that has helped is by embracing more of an open mindset instead of a fixed one where I would have fixed negative emotions and having that has given me more confidence to comunicate with my family more about myself and not feeling so afraid to express myself.  I will honest though i'm still learning as I go along.  I’ve also found that scripting a few responses in advance helps ease the anxiety. Just having a couple of phrases ready can make those conversations feel less overwhelming. And if you need to redirect the topic, that’s okay too your comfort matters.  You’re not alone in this, and I really admire your courage in wanting to stay truthful. That’s a strength in itself.

  • in reply to Deleted user

    I like this. Obvisouly if you want to tell them, it's a case of finding a good route in, and scripting some conversation about it and being ready for different kinds of responses would help get through it.

    But if you don't want to/not ready, don't feel you have to, then putting a positive spin on it really helps. I think I framed it like this when I took time out over the summer, told people I was burned out, and was taking some time to rest and recover and spend time with the kids.

    You can then focus the conversation on things you want to talk about that you are up to, like getting time to read more books (insert whatever you like doing). People are only too quick to latch on to positives and will quickly turn away from asking more uncomfortable questions. (Unless you have an annoying relatives that keeps going, then having something ready to shut them down -like I don't want to focus on that right now, maybe in the New Year)

    I feel awful when I lie too, but you can choose how you frame your truth.

  • i can see how this is a difficult situation, I’ve been there when between jobs too and at times wondered if I’d ever go back but somehow trying to explain this without fear of judgment. You could say that for now you’re taking time out and unsure what is ahead as you’re looking for something that feels a better fit. I’ve used this line in the past and usually met with understanding and sometimes admiration for knowing my job wasn’t right for me.