Hi, sorry, this is going to be a rant, but i feel i need to vent all this somewhere and this is the only place i feel i can do so.
I am SO FUCKING SICK TO DEATH OF MY ASPERGERS.
just so you all know, the primary problems i have are; social dysfuction, oversensitive reactions to noise, a serious food phobia and general anxiety.
all knowledge of my mental illness was kept from me by my parents until i was going to college and it came up in the course interveiw when i was 16, until that i had never heard of aspergers or even autism. their reasoning was that had i known about it when i was younger, i would have used it as a get out clause for my actions. while i can understand the logic of this, it also ment i went through all of primary and secondary school being bullied when ernestly trying to fit in while saddled with a social disorder i didn't even know i had, so that was fun. though to this day (i am now 21) my parents veiws on my aspergers is that if it is affecting me, it's because i'm being lazy and not trying hard enough. the only times they do care is when it can be used to gain something, such as extra unviersity funding, when they call it a "card to play".
my diet is limited very strongly to mostly bread-stuffs, dairy products and some potato based foods, with some exceptions, the textures of most foods being such that i phsyically cannot bring myself to put such things in my mouth, or when i do, my gag reflex goes into overdrive to make me spit it back out. like most other problems in my life, the approach this was met with was force. frequently being forced to remain seated at the dinner table until i had eaten whatever i was given, sometimes with threats for force feeding. i'm sure the pavlovian effect of those events did nothing to help the issue in the long run.
but in spite of all that, i'm fat. why? because in response to the anxiety of just everyday life, i comfort eat, i try my best not to, but i do. and i hate myself for it, so i eat more, and hate myself, so i eat, and it turns into a mobious strip that is the life of a 16, paranoid, shame train wreck of a worthless human being.
Suffering from aspergers is a curse and a penance, no mincing, sugar coated words of the mental health propadanga machine, There is NO upside to having the mis-fortune to be selected by whatever *** god controls this world to spend the only life granted to us before unending oblivion as a broken, lesser person, doomed to suffer with what others find commonplace!
