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Feeling low

LonelyColour

I thought I'd just write it down here.

I've had a bit of a miserable day.

I teach swimming and I've had a bunch of complaints from parents about my teaching style. They've complained to my boss that I am too direct, don't motivate the kids, and too blunt or that the way I've said the things wasn't very delicate towards the kids. 

It's not always like this and in fact most parents love me and prefer me to other teachers. But with this group we somehow didn't click, and I get so stressed and frustrated sometimes that my mask falls.

I just feel a bit rubbish today, because I remember how people have disliked me all my life. I was bullied in primary school, in secondary school, in college and in several of my jobs. People just really dislike me and it sucks to realise as an adult that it was because of my autism and that it will never change.

I wish I wasn't autistic. I know a lot of people say it's a superpower and they are proud and stuff like that, but it's not like that for me. It sucks to be autistic and I wish I wasn't. It sucks to be disliked all the time, and to have to be constantly adjusting your face expressions and tone of voice so that people don't dislike you. Cause the intensity with which neurotypicals dislike us is also very strong. I really think some hate us deeply.

Parents

  • Sorry to hear you had a bad day. I've had plenty of these and they can build up.

    LonelyColour said:
    Cause the intensity with which neurotypicals dislike us is also very strong. I really think some hate us deeply.

    I found it helps to realise that they are probably projecting their own self hate and unhappiness at you - so when I find someone being unreasonably obnoxious I tend to feel sorry for them and when that sympathetic look seems to enrage them well it reinforces my belief.

    You are the trained teacher so you know what you are doing - they are just some vessel for their own kids and when their kids are underperforming they feel that as an extension of their own self worth. Their kids are probably getting a hard time at home as a result of this unhappy parent.

    Don't let these haters get you down - pity them instead and go on with your life confident you are doing your job they way it should be done.

    LonelyColour said:
    I wish I wasn't autistic.

    I get this - on balance I would much rather be neurotypical even if it meant losing some of my "superpowers" that are more often a budren than a boon.

    However it is baked into us and will never change so finding ways to endure better is about all that is open to us.

    My secret was to learn to stop caring what people thought of me - once you can remove that source of harm them you steal most of their power to hurt you. I use mindfulness to consider if they are worth taking seriously and can then comfortably ignore their amateur hour feelings about my job.

    It also frees up so much energy from worrying about their opinions - i can highly recommend it.

Reply

  • Sorry to hear you had a bad day. I've had plenty of these and they can build up.

    LonelyColour said:
    Cause the intensity with which neurotypicals dislike us is also very strong. I really think some hate us deeply.

    I found it helps to realise that they are probably projecting their own self hate and unhappiness at you - so when I find someone being unreasonably obnoxious I tend to feel sorry for them and when that sympathetic look seems to enrage them well it reinforces my belief.

    You are the trained teacher so you know what you are doing - they are just some vessel for their own kids and when their kids are underperforming they feel that as an extension of their own self worth. Their kids are probably getting a hard time at home as a result of this unhappy parent.

    Don't let these haters get you down - pity them instead and go on with your life confident you are doing your job they way it should be done.

    LonelyColour said:
    I wish I wasn't autistic.

    I get this - on balance I would much rather be neurotypical even if it meant losing some of my "superpowers" that are more often a budren than a boon.

    However it is baked into us and will never change so finding ways to endure better is about all that is open to us.

    My secret was to learn to stop caring what people thought of me - once you can remove that source of harm them you steal most of their power to hurt you. I use mindfulness to consider if they are worth taking seriously and can then comfortably ignore their amateur hour feelings about my job.

    It also frees up so much energy from worrying about their opinions - i can highly recommend it.

Children