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Does anyone else sometimes (or most of the time...) struggle with banter?!

Near

I don't know what it is, but even though, I can 100% process in my brain that someone is my friend and would never seriously gloat or be mean to me, when I lose something like a game and they try to do some playful jokes about beating me or being better, I verbally shutdown and feel immense sorrow and rage (and then quietly and politely withdraw somewhere), I think it might stem from my very black and white viewpoint of what is just or fair, and any sort of rubbing in victory in the faces of opponents is something I am against completely and whenever I win anything I always take time to make sure the other person is fine or talk to them

But why, when yet again, i know it's my friend, just making a small joke about doing better then me, can I not just overlook it?! because I logically know they don't mean it, I can process that completely, but I still feel all the emotions can get so over-dramatic in secret over what is basically nothing.

Does anyone else struggle with this?! I feel like I'm crazy, how do people deal with this?

Parents

  • I don't struggle with this per se (the "gently joking" in a competition), but I definitely struggle when my friends make comments about my behavior or suggest any sort of feedback.

    For example, things like, "Oh, that's interesting that you always eat your food in a specific order," or "You're talking too loud. Everyone can hear our conversation."

    To me, that feels like an attack and that they're not being fair. I, for example, don't call out their behaviors, and if I do, I make a point to be very careful about it. It feels like they are being flippant, and then I just shut down.

    I've been able to make progress and get to a better place by incorporating more mindfulness into my life and reading up on alexithymia. Learning about alexithymia helped me understand the disconnect between my logical brain and my emotional physical reaction. I've pasted a couple of resources I've personally found helpful below.

    Just for transparency: I still have those feelings. They never go away completely, but I've gotten to a place where I can move on quicker now, and they don't lead to a full shutdown.

Reply

  • I don't struggle with this per se (the "gently joking" in a competition), but I definitely struggle when my friends make comments about my behavior or suggest any sort of feedback.

    For example, things like, "Oh, that's interesting that you always eat your food in a specific order," or "You're talking too loud. Everyone can hear our conversation."

    To me, that feels like an attack and that they're not being fair. I, for example, don't call out their behaviors, and if I do, I make a point to be very careful about it. It feels like they are being flippant, and then I just shut down.

    I've been able to make progress and get to a better place by incorporating more mindfulness into my life and reading up on alexithymia. Learning about alexithymia helped me understand the disconnect between my logical brain and my emotional physical reaction. I've pasted a couple of resources I've personally found helpful below.

    Just for transparency: I still have those feelings. They never go away completely, but I've gotten to a place where I can move on quicker now, and they don't lead to a full shutdown.

Children
  • in reply to KopiKestrel
    KopiKestrel said:

    things like, "Oh, that's interesting that you always eat your food in a specific order," or "You're talking too loud. Everyone can hear our conversation."

    To me, that feels like an attack and that they're not being fair.

    Have you thought why they prompted you for being too loud though?

    It helps to look at the context of the situation and try to work out the reasons for their interruption so you can better judge the situation next time.

    Were you bothering other people nearby though being louder then them, thus overwhelming their conversation?

    Were there people nearby who looked upset and your conversation was possibly upsetting them?

    Was the subject matter something that shouldn't be shared with others?

    Was the volume really that loud?

    When I find myself in the situation then I will try to make a mental note to reconsider it later then immediately comply with what is asked for if reasonable - no need to shut down if I was being wrong (I'll decide this later and raise it with the friend if needed). 

    I trust neurotypical friends more than myself in these situations so the immediate kickback would be the wrong approach (for me).

    I would go through the above questions before before taking issue about hurt feelings as I have been wrong too many times for this to be a reasonable reaction.

    Do you suffer from RSD or PDA at all?