Managing relationship with Autistic spouse

Are there any specific difficulties you are having? Every autistic person is different but if you have a few examples I am sure there will be someone else here who recognises them.

I would say my biggest difficulties are communication and receiving empathy or understanding. I find all communication so difficult. I’ve never found it so difficult. From the smallest conversation to the biggest. I find it draining. I feel like I’m constantly “mopping up”. Whether it’s with the kids, with wider family, with the public. Cleaning up mess that she’s caused. She doesn’t take on anything I say. But she will take on what strangers say or her family says. She is very one track minded with very little room for negotiation or any flexibility. And I’m always giving in. It’s tiring. 

It is useful to know that most autistic people are empathetic, indeed they can be too empathetic. However, the way that autistics display empathy can be very different than that shown by allistic (non-autistic) people. As an example, an autistic person can react to someone else's distress by freezing, they feel huge empathy, but do not know what to do about it and their empathy is overwhelming to them. Personally, I tend to react to someone in distress by asking them about what is causing the distress and giving them the best advice I can think of to mitigate their upset feelings. The empathy and the desire to help is there, but I cannot do the 'hug and there-there' type response that is typical of allistics. Essentially, I find it impossible to tell someone it will be alright, if I do not know that it will, an extreme example of autistic unwillingness to lie.

It is useful to know that most autistic people are empathetic, indeed they can be too empathetic. However, the way that autistics display empathy can be very different than that shown by allistic (non-autistic) people. As an example, an autistic person can react to someone else's distress by freezing, they feel huge empathy, but do not know what to do about it and their empathy is overwhelming to them. Personally, I tend to react to someone in distress by asking them about what is causing the distress and giving them the best advice I can think of to mitigate their upset feelings. The empathy and the desire to help is there, but I cannot do the 'hug and there-there' type response that is typical of allistics. Essentially, I find it impossible to tell someone it will be alright, if I do not know that it will, an extreme example of autistic unwillingness to lie.