Frustrations

I'm kind of glad someone else doesn't find walks helpful. I always feel a bit alone on that one. I think my current struggle is that I probably need to take a step back from things to give myself a chance to reset. But my brain is not taking that step back to let me do that.

It sounds to me like you are getting overloaded. I had this earlier this year. Walking just made me think more. I couldn't focus. I didn't want to do things. Everything was a struggle.

Putting things off may not help it you know you have to do them. You might need to address at least something.

Maybe you are approaching or in burnout. You need to reduce pressure somehow.

I don't really find walking helpful. My head keeps spiralling whether I'm inside or outside. Usually hyperfocus will give me some respite from my thoughts, although I can't choose when that happens, but when it's as bad as this week even that doesn't seem to help, I just don't have the capacity to do it.

I don't often find a walk helpful. I need the walk to have a purpose. If it has an aim it can help but unless there's a good motivation it doesn't tend to do much.

Thats good then.

The only thing that gets me through when my head is full spiralling thoughts and emotions, and I’ve had little sleep for days, is to go for a very long walk. 

Hope things improve soon. 

No my bed is very comfortable. My brain is definitely the issue.

I hope this isn't me projecting, but is your mattress comfortable? And your pillows too? If you're uncomfortable in bed then it will hinder sleep and make you toss and turn more, pillows that are a bit knackered and don't support your head will make your neck bend and can constrict the blood supply to your brain, making you feel woolly headed on waking.

I go through phases with sleep. When it's like it is this week, nothing seems to helps. But eventually I will manage to settle back into a routine and get to sleep in a reasonable amount of time. However, I then just wake up early instead which doesn't allow me to have more sleep and is very difficult to stop. As this seems to very much happen on week days I very much think it is due to the anticipation of work and not being able to switch off from it. Work will feature in my dreams sometimes.

I absolutely agree that therapy is needed. This is where I'm stuck in a frustrating loop though. There are quite a lot of things that I need to address in therapy. But so far my experience of therapy hasn't been strong. I don't currently know what the NHS will actually offer me until I can have this 1 off appointment they had suggested. However, the restricted number of sessions and lack of neurodiversity knowledge is a huge barrier with NHS therapy. I am currently unclear as to whether it's possible to get anything longer on NHS. I was confused when speaking to them on the phone as he just kept saying well you've been referred to talking therapies so that's the offer but he wasn't being clear as to whether there was another therapy department you could be referred to.

Unfortunately, at the moment, I just cannot afford to go private and as I think it would need to be a long period of sessions, it would be a huge financial commitment. I have found previously that a limit on sessions is very problematic for me as it takes a long time for me to be comfortable enough to open up.

Interesting you ask that. I'm not anaemic, however my iron stores and b12 are both low at the moment. I am on tablets but it hasn't made much difference yet. It's only been a couple of weeks though. They are being checked in another 2 or 3 months. They also mentioned low folate. I don't really know what folate is or does but they said raising the b12 should fix that and they'll check that again too so we will see. But yes I did wonder whether those being low might be impacting on my ability to deal with the other stresses.

Can you have a walk in nature? Everyone is different, but this makes me feel reset. I just don't get much opportunity, despite it being on my door step.

I'm taking notes, this is some good sleeping advice.

Everythiing sounds very up in the air for you, so it's no wonder you don't really know whether you're coming or going. I've had periods like this too, it's all very well telling yourself to be patient, but for myself I felt like having a toddler tantrum and throwing myself to the floor and kicking a screaming. Waiting for officialdom to give an answer is horrid, you can't make any plans or anything.

One thing I want to ask you is are you anaemic? Either or both iron and B12 deficiency can effect your sleeping patterms, tired but can't get to sleep. Both of these things can come with age as the body gets less efficient at absorbing nutrients from our food, all it takes is a blood test to diagnose and either an injection of B12 or tablets for both. I couldn't believe how much better I felt for having a B12 supplement, I was starting to get really worried about myself, fuzzy headed, sleepless, but constantly tired, aches and pains, low level flu type symtoms. It also made me less able to deal with stress. Get it checked out, you might be fine, but for such a simple thing, it's worth it.

Expecto_Patronum said:

I'm aware that even in a good week, I don't sleep enough in the week and then I over sleep at the weekend because I'm so tired.

Your body will typically work much better if it has a consistent routine for all 7 days and sleep is a big part of its regulation mechanism so is something worth taking some effort to improve.

I can't give medical advice of course but I can tell you how I manage it.

1 - have a routine in the evening to relax. I stop eating or drinking anything but water after 7pm (mostly for another medical condition) which regulates my blood sugar level well. Screen time stops an hour before sleep and I clear all my chores and tasks as early as I can then take time to read in the last hour or two.

2 - I make sure my body is tired, not just my mind, I try to go to the gym 5-6 times a week and if I don't feel sleepy then either have an evening quick workout or some sexual relief depending on the situation and who is there. A hot shower helps relax and shoulder tension and then it is straight to bed with some water to drink.

3 - When in bed I will use a notepad and write out any tasks I have to deal with the next day, things I need to remember etc and get it all out of my mind so I do not fear forgetting it. This decluttering is important.

4 - once the lights are off and I'm snug I will close my eyes and use one of the meditation exercises of mentally "feeling" for my muscles starting with my toes and working up to my head, making them relax as I go. I rarely make it all the way to the end.

5 - if something is really keeping me awake - noise from a party, a worry or a nagging ache for example then I will self medicate with an over-the-counter antihistamine which knocks me out quite effectively for the night. Different active ingredients have different strenghts of effects I find but they are cheap (the own brand ones that is). 

If you take any other medication then I would advise checking with your GP before self medicating this way.

If you have recurring dreams, anxieties etc then this is something to take up with a therapist as it needs to be dealt with at source (ie in your head) rather than treating the symptoms (the poor sleep).

It also helps to get some fresh air in the room before bedtime to keep the oxygen levels up, to keep yourself hydrated (not too much so you need to go to the bathroom at night though) and to keep tabs on what woke you  - keep a notepad and pen by the bedside to keep a sort of journal of what you were dreaming about as it is likely to fade from memory fast and it can be useful to spot subliminal things that need to be addressed in therapy.

Depends what you mean by a solid night's sleep. The last 2 nights have been a lot worse than usual.

However I'm aware that even in a good week, I don't sleep enough in the week and then I over sleep at the weekend because I'm so tired. So at the weekend I definitely slept but I don't know whether you'd count it as solid because my body was trying to play catch up and I ended up going back to bed more than once because I felt so exhausted.

I'm not sure the solution to my usual sleep issue. I've tried different things and my brain just doesn't seem to want to sleep for more than 6 hours max at a time but clearly this is not enough for me. I've tried going to bed earlier but my brain thinks this is a nap and wakes me up again within an hour. Ive tried going to bed later so I'll sleep a bit later but I seem to wake up and hour before I need to like clockwork. So I've just had to stick with the time that seems to give me the most sleep. 

This week that's gone out the window. The first night I made the mistake of having an early night, slept for half an hour and then was awake for hours. Last night I did the opposite. I tried going to bed later so that I'd sleep through but my brain was still so agitated that I was struggling to get to sleep and then when I did, I had a dream and woke myself up again. I did manage to get to sleep again and had more sleep than the night before but definitely not enough.

Expecto_Patronum said:

Really want these mental spirals to go away.

Sometimes I find it helpful to try to put my issues into context when other solutions don't work.

I think how much worse it could be - I could be dying of a horrible disease with only pain and suffering ahead of me, I could have lost those I most care about, I could be falsely accused and sent to prison, I could lose control of my body and be essentially a vegetable but a prisoner in my own body etc etc

By realising how much worse life could be it helps me feel less bad about the things that are going against me and gives me more control to shut down those spiralling thoughts.

We all have bad weeks but remember it can get better and this happens best when you can focus and work on your own issues without relying on outside help.

When was the last time you had a solid nights sleep?