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Un-Masking (Advice please)

pietro_21

I would like to ask about peoples experiences of unmasking, aiming to unmask fully. For the reason of improving health and wellbeing. And how this feels or what improved, or worsened because of this.

Without wanting to go into any conspiracy theories, there is a part of me that there are bad actor normies scheming around us alll the time. This include those who might exploit people with autism to further their aims or neurotype beliefs. Part of me also sees a massive social media drive to encourage more people to unmask, I'm not sure who this benefits unless it is totally self initiated. 

Do other people need to know you have unmasked? Have you asked for support? Are the external changes noticable mainly to you or are the internal benefits of doing this commented on by others. Does unmasking also require a degree of disclosure to others, or does another level of masking occur if you don't fully disclose it?!!

I asked ai about it and it said suggested: 'selective unmasking and using scripts to reduce social effort' which seems to be what people who mask are doing to some extent. 

Parents

  • I found it useful to remind myself exactly what autistic masking is.

    "Autistic people have described masking as:

    • hyper-vigilance for and constant adaptation to the preferences and expectations (whether expressed, implied or anticipated) of the people around you
    • tightly controlling and adjusting how you express yourself (including your needs, preferences, opinions, interests, personality, mannerisms and appearance) based on the real or anticipated reactions of others, both in the moment and over time"

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/masking

    I feel that for me, the first description applies to being with family and friends and the second applies more to when I was at work.

    A few years before I retired, I did start trying to not control or adjust how I expressed myself so much when I was at work. During that time it felt like I became a bit more accepted by some of my colleagues, maybe because I seemed more relaxed and/or authentic. But talking about my love of video games was still something I didn't mention much, as I felt that people thought it was "odd" and possibly a bit "childish". I still felt like I masked to a certain extent at work, but I think everyone does. I'm so glad I don't have to work any more though, as it was often exhausting. It's hard to change after decades of acting.

    I stopped seeing most of my remaining family members and lost touch with most friends before I realised I was on the spectrum. This is something that would have bothered me years ago, but now it doesn't. I have a partner that I don't mask around, and I'm also quite happy having a bit of alone time each day. My authentic self doesn't need to "fit in".

Reply

  • I found it useful to remind myself exactly what autistic masking is.

    "Autistic people have described masking as:

    • hyper-vigilance for and constant adaptation to the preferences and expectations (whether expressed, implied or anticipated) of the people around you
    • tightly controlling and adjusting how you express yourself (including your needs, preferences, opinions, interests, personality, mannerisms and appearance) based on the real or anticipated reactions of others, both in the moment and over time"

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/masking

    I feel that for me, the first description applies to being with family and friends and the second applies more to when I was at work.

    A few years before I retired, I did start trying to not control or adjust how I expressed myself so much when I was at work. During that time it felt like I became a bit more accepted by some of my colleagues, maybe because I seemed more relaxed and/or authentic. But talking about my love of video games was still something I didn't mention much, as I felt that people thought it was "odd" and possibly a bit "childish". I still felt like I masked to a certain extent at work, but I think everyone does. I'm so glad I don't have to work any more though, as it was often exhausting. It's hard to change after decades of acting.

    I stopped seeing most of my remaining family members and lost touch with most friends before I realised I was on the spectrum. This is something that would have bothered me years ago, but now it doesn't. I have a partner that I don't mask around, and I'm also quite happy having a bit of alone time each day. My authentic self doesn't need to "fit in".

Children
  • in reply to Lotus

    Thanks Lotus.Your responses are always really reflective.The thing is I was doing it for years building up this armour, thinking I was the only person in the world who had these feelings. Based on statistically very few negative experiences.Its so strange, like love we all have similar experiences but it feels so unique to us. My days are mostly 100 percent alone time, I think I spend about 85-90% of my year alone. When I am well rested and relaxed with people I know that is we I know I am being me. Where there is any conflict or underlying friction where there often is with young men around this is what I will avoid.