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Anyone else sick of pretending to be fine?

Ava

I’m sick of trying. I’m exhausted trying to do everything say everything to speak right. Sick of being judged. Also sick of trying to be someone I’m not. I honestly cant do most things. But I will try to show I can do them. I don’t know how to stop trying to be more able than I am. The more I try the more exhausted mentally and the worse it gets. But I can’t stop. It’s because there’s pressure in me and outwith me to be more than I can be. To get it all right. To be more than I can. To do things I can’t do. I’m too ill for it. I’ve tried and I’m not able to do it. My brain doesn’t work. I have undiagnosed ADHD rejection sensitivity Dysphoria anxiety depression burnout and level one autism. Heads exhausted.

  • You have to reduce the load. Prioritise.
    If you can put it off, then put it off. Most things can survive a month or more.

    If you work, then take some leave. Go sick if you have to. You need a breather.

    Try to make things routines. To save thinking, plan what you'll wear each day in advance. Decide what you'll have for breakfast. Decide what time you'll get up and when you'll go to bed. Get some food that is easy to prepare and takes no effort.

    You need to make your life easier. This is what accommodations are. There are videos on YouTube if you search for 'autistic accommodations' with many items. Some good, some less so, some may work for you 

    I find radio for company is better than TV. Reduce the stimulation. If being quiet is hard due to ADHD, then pick some things that make you calmer.

    You don't need to think you can't do something. Just think you can't do it at the moment. Maybe you could do it before, and maybe you go it again, but not just now. You are overloaded now. This stops you feeling you are failing in some way and pressuring yourself. Don't blame yourself, it is not your fault. Give yourself permission to leave it.

    Of course you get more exhausted the more you do. It's not a problem, it's how it is. This is why you prioritise your energy. Don't waste it. It's what spoon theory is about.

    Do what's right for you. If you need to, just hide for a week, but only if you won't feel guilty. Tell people to leave you alone for a week. Then see how you feel.

    Don't put yourself under so much pressure.

    Check that you are breathing from your diaphragm and not just your chest. Does you stomach move when you breathe in. It should, it will calm you.

    Make sure your shoulders are not hunched. Push them down.

  • Ava said:
    It’s because there’s pressure in me and outwith me to be more than I can be.

    It may help to reframe how you respond to some of these things from "I can't do it" to "I don't do it".

    If you say "can't" then people will try to persuade you that you really can or give you advice on how to do it.

    By making it "don't" then it is clear that it is your choice not to do it and people are more likely to ask why and you can articulate your reasons if you choose to or simply stand by your choice.

    It is a very powerful way or regaining control.

    Once control is back with you then it will help a lot of the other issues of feeling bad to come back into managable levels and give you room to feel human again.

    It works for me.

  • Hi Ava,

    Yes, I had to stop working at that point, and get help from a psychologist. At the time I followed advice to see a psychologist specialising in neurodivergence.

    She said it was autistic burnout. Was also told about rejection sensitivity. I was very broken. And still am, but I feel more stable.

    The combination of masking in us with the able-ism in society can be very painful and have long term consequences for our health.