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Trigger warning- mental health and SI

Abigail

Hi, 

I'm new here. I was fairly recently diagnosed with Autism and adhd. I have struggled for over a decade with suicidal ideation, bad mental health on and off. I have been in a state of what I think is severe burnout for the past year and a half.

I am just about able to do my 4 shifts a week at work (sometimes not). Apart from that I can't do anything else. I feel disgusting, like a waste of space. I can't bare being here anymore. How long do you keep holding on for nothing to change?

Parents

  • I have been in some really low places over the years. I am very newly diagnosed and looking back I think what I thought was severe depression/breakdowns was autistic burnout and shutdowns. I went through a couple of years of SI, I self-harmed on and off, and once impulsively took a handful of tablets and would have taken more if my baby hadn't cried and snapped me back to reality. During these times I couldn't see the end in sight. I never saw it getting better. I am still recovering from my last episode of burnout and I still have fleeting thoughts about whether I would be better off out of it now and then, but things are improving. I did CBT years ago and thought it was rubbish and didn't help, but in the last year I did High Intensity CBT and whilst it wasn't a magic fix, I think it helped to speak to someone who really listened for once and gave very useful tools and insights. Obviously it's not for everyone and it's luck to find someone who is really good at what they do, but it helped me this time. I guess my point is, things might seem bleak and like things won't change, but sometimes it happens when you're not expecting it. And being kind to yourself, accepting your limitations and taking the time out to look after yourself can help massively. Maybe not instantaneously, but over time. Listen to your body and let yourself rest and recover. You can take on more when you're ready.

Reply

  • I have been in some really low places over the years. I am very newly diagnosed and looking back I think what I thought was severe depression/breakdowns was autistic burnout and shutdowns. I went through a couple of years of SI, I self-harmed on and off, and once impulsively took a handful of tablets and would have taken more if my baby hadn't cried and snapped me back to reality. During these times I couldn't see the end in sight. I never saw it getting better. I am still recovering from my last episode of burnout and I still have fleeting thoughts about whether I would be better off out of it now and then, but things are improving. I did CBT years ago and thought it was rubbish and didn't help, but in the last year I did High Intensity CBT and whilst it wasn't a magic fix, I think it helped to speak to someone who really listened for once and gave very useful tools and insights. Obviously it's not for everyone and it's luck to find someone who is really good at what they do, but it helped me this time. I guess my point is, things might seem bleak and like things won't change, but sometimes it happens when you're not expecting it. And being kind to yourself, accepting your limitations and taking the time out to look after yourself can help massively. Maybe not instantaneously, but over time. Listen to your body and let yourself rest and recover. You can take on more when you're ready.

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