Trigger warning- mental health and SI

Hi, 

I'm new here. I was fairly recently diagnosed with Autism and adhd. I have struggled for over a decade with suicidal ideation, bad mental health on and off. I have been in a state of what I think is severe burnout for the past year and a half.

I am just about able to do my 4 shifts a week at work (sometimes not). Apart from that I can't do anything else. I feel disgusting, like a waste of space. I can't bare being here anymore. How long do you keep holding on for nothing to change?

Parents
  • Hi abigail.

    I have struggled most of my life with this too (i have a diagnosis of bipolar but 2 of my 4 children have an autism diagnosis and the other 2 probably need one so I think misdiagnosed given what I now know...sorry I waffle)

    I discovered yoga and meditation, put simply. It didnt help overnight but over a pefiod of time and practise I learned a lot.

    The western world is not designed to let us rest. Always have to be productive, achieving, on to the next thing and so on. Capitalism eh.

    I guess I learned during this process of learning yoga and meditation what it actually feels like to relax instead of stress being the default setting. I was so stressed for so long it was just normal. Now I learned how to relax I can tell when I am stressed. (I breathe wrong, clench jaw, shoulders warm my ears lol) 

    Because I have this skill I now know when to take a step back before I fall over...and I know how to sit still and just be...mostly. far from perfect enlightenment.

    Nothing will change unless I make it change. Life is a crazy hamster wheel until you actively step off it. I cant quit work so I had to learn how to handle myself whilst working - yoga was the start point. It was NOT easy at first. It didnt come naturally. I persevered.

    Sitting meditation was awful at first. Sitting still with a 100 miles an hour mind and no distraction? All kinds of nope. Now I can

    Yoga nidra is a recent discovery. Its almost like a guided meditation but body focused. Every one I have done so far has been laying down.

    I think these things are well worth looking at. They are not a magic cure but they afford a little breathing space and I think healing x

Reply
  • Hi abigail.

    I have struggled most of my life with this too (i have a diagnosis of bipolar but 2 of my 4 children have an autism diagnosis and the other 2 probably need one so I think misdiagnosed given what I now know...sorry I waffle)

    I discovered yoga and meditation, put simply. It didnt help overnight but over a pefiod of time and practise I learned a lot.

    The western world is not designed to let us rest. Always have to be productive, achieving, on to the next thing and so on. Capitalism eh.

    I guess I learned during this process of learning yoga and meditation what it actually feels like to relax instead of stress being the default setting. I was so stressed for so long it was just normal. Now I learned how to relax I can tell when I am stressed. (I breathe wrong, clench jaw, shoulders warm my ears lol) 

    Because I have this skill I now know when to take a step back before I fall over...and I know how to sit still and just be...mostly. far from perfect enlightenment.

    Nothing will change unless I make it change. Life is a crazy hamster wheel until you actively step off it. I cant quit work so I had to learn how to handle myself whilst working - yoga was the start point. It was NOT easy at first. It didnt come naturally. I persevered.

    Sitting meditation was awful at first. Sitting still with a 100 miles an hour mind and no distraction? All kinds of nope. Now I can

    Yoga nidra is a recent discovery. Its almost like a guided meditation but body focused. Every one I have done so far has been laying down.

    I think these things are well worth looking at. They are not a magic cure but they afford a little breathing space and I think healing x

Children
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