Now I’m thinking I’m not autistic

As Iain has said, you will need help to determine for sure. The tests, questionaires, are only indicative and are to exclude negatives. If you score low in the autism tests then you aren't, but if you score high you may be, it is not conclusive. This is why additional meetings with psychologists are needed to be sure.

If you are having trouble, and you can't sort it out privately, you only have the GP to help you. They are the gateway. The test results should help convince them you need a diagnosis, particularly if you are struggling.

I don't know they determine bipolar, it may take long term observation.

If you burnt out, you need to do something to help you. Try to eat well (balanced, without too many carbs, supplements if something is missing), drink enough, rest, avoid caffeine and alcohol, he AVE routines, light exercise, avoid stress as much as possible, take the pressure off yourself, ask for help if you can. If you have trauma that is eating away at you, you need to find a way to get some peace, or to park it for a while. If you have sleep problems, sorting this trumps all else. You don't need to sleep in one go, you can sleep in 90 minute chunks, try to get at least 6 or more hours minimum.

Make the most of good moments to feel positive, and give yourself something for the bad moments, something you can look at to remind you.

In the down moments know that it will pass, look at what you wrote or drew or put out for yourself.

Be forgiving of yourself. Don't expect so much.

Thanks, Stuart. I really appreciate your advice — it’s spot on. I’ve consistently scored full marks on autism assessments and also strongly identify with the criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder. I believe those traits developed over time through long-term gaslighting, undermining, coercive control, and being demeaned.

Thank you as well for taking the time to write everything out — there’s a lot of helpful advice in what you said, especially about rest, routine, and being kind to yourself. I need to try focusing on recovery and rebuilding balance after long-term burnout, and your message was really thoughtful and grounding. Thanks again.

Thanks, Stuart. I really appreciate your advice — it’s spot on. I’ve consistently scored full marks on autism assessments and also strongly identify with the criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder. I believe those traits developed over time through long-term gaslighting, undermining, coercive control, and being demeaned.

Thank you as well for taking the time to write everything out — there’s a lot of helpful advice in what you said, especially about rest, routine, and being kind to yourself. I need to try focusing on recovery and rebuilding balance after long-term burnout, and your message was really thoughtful and grounding. Thanks again.

I'm pleased it may help. I am just noting what has helped me. But I was so stubborn and closed, I thought I knew best, and had to discover and validate it all on my terms, rather than take short cuts. If you do the same it's fine, but if I only plant a seed, the idea may still grow.

It may be worth considering if proper help from a clinical psychologist may be best. A diagnosis may tell you what you have but not what to do. If knowing dictates the path, or if self doubt will block progress (my problem), a diagnosis may be best starting point.

 If the label is less important and progress is needed, then you may get some clarity from help. You want someone with lots of experience. 

I initially approached a counsellor but masked too much. The psychologist saw through what I was doing. I didn't and was in denial at first. But ideas grow if they are true. The pain was severe, but honesty eventually allows healing and then you can find the inner you and be who you should without fear. It is not easy though, but nothing worth having is. And the path is not smooth.

Take plenty of time to lie on a bed, close your eyes and either let your mind wander or just let it go blank. Music helps too. This is what I did as a teen and I forgot about it. Plenty of quiet time is so helpful.